Close To Torah

ידיה שלחה בכישור וכפיה תמכו פלך.

“She stretched out her hands to the distaff; her palms supported the spindle.”

The Midrash (Mishlei 31) tells us that this verse refers to Yael, the great woman who saved the Jews by killing Sisra with a tent peg (Shoftim 4). It is well known that she could have more easily used a sword to chop off his head. She specifically chose not to use a weapon that in her time was predominantly used by men, but rather she assessed that it was safe for her to use a peg and thereby maintain her female stature.

The Torah sees the man and woman in a relationship as equally deserving of respect. This does not however mean that they have the same roles and capabilities. Hashem created man and woman with different natural talents and areas of excellence that can be developed. When a man and woman work respectfully to build a Torah home, this balance leads to the greatest success and a most meaningful relationship. To illustrate the Torah perspective:

The Abarbanel (1437-1508, a great Jewish Portuguese philosopher, commentator and statesman) quotes an amazing Midrash about the creation of Chava, the first woman. “Hashem specifically did not create her from Adam’s foot. Since it is the lowest part of the body, he did not want Adam to view her as a lowly servant of his. Hashem also did not create her from a part of his head. He did not want her to tower over him and dominate him. Rather, He created her from Adam’s rib, a bone found in the middle of the body. This teaches us that Hashem wanted balance and harmony in their marriage.

This Torah thought is not calling for egalitarianism, rather it is stressing the importance of mutual respect, recognition and working together. Each one brings his or her strengths to the marital union and they work to support and appreciate one another.

Many people think that Judaism purports the superiority of one gender over the other. This is absolutely false. We believe that each gender has their role and specialization. Just as some people are born with natural talents, the male and female respectively have their specific abilities. It is only through the union of the two that the home becomes complete.

This idea is expressed by an amazing Gematria. The inner letters (when you spell out the letters that make up each letter in the word) of both the word אשה, woman, and איש, man, are the same (א’לף, י’וד, ש’ין / א’לף, ש’ין, ה’י). They both equal 180. This is to show that Judaism doesn’t favor one. On the outside, they are different people, but on the inside, their common goal of building a home for Hashem and their mutual contribution towards bringing this out is equally valued by Hashem. On the outside each has different capabilities and missions, but as far as achieving the essence of our mission here of getting close to Hashem, they are both equal!

The Aishes Chayil is commended for her feminine sensitivity and respect.

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