Love and Respect – Parshas Kedoshim 5771
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It is interesting to note the words which Chazal state regarding why the Torah puts the father before the mother when commanding us to honor our parents and the mother is placed before the father regarding fear. In our Parsha it states: “A man shall fear his mother and father (Vayikra 19:3).” In the Aseres HaDibros it says, “Honor your father and your mother (Shemos 20:13).” Chazal (Kiddushin 30b) state that one is more naturally inclined to love and honor his mother for she encourages him with kind words; one is often more inclined to fear his father for he often dispenses punishment which elicits fear. Thus, the Torah states, honor both parents, and it places the father first to fortify the responsibility even though it may be more difficult.
The psychological implications are quite powerful. A person gains love and respect through kind words and not through demanding interactions. It is important to note that the Torah is not criticizing either parenting style. There is a place for being soft and a time to reprimand as well. In fact, the Gemara states that the fear of the father often comes on account of the father teaching his son Torah and its serious laws. The point though is the thought and sensitivity in giving over a message and in building a healthy relationship. Love, care and respect breeds honor.
The Parsha begins by extolling us to be holy. The next two commandments mentioned are that of properly interacting with parents and that of keeping Shabbos. These represent the two categories of commandments, between man and his fellow person and between man and God. We imbue holiness into our lives by showing love and respect to Hashem and by recognizing the great love and respect that Hashem has for us.
Categories: Parshas Kedoshim
