Defining Moment
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...The Gemara in Berachos (8a) is famous for stating that immediately after the wedding they used to ask the Chosson about his wife: is she a mahtza (amazing person and gift from Hashem) or a mohtza (more bitter than death)?
The Commentators are puzzled by how we could allow such a question to be asked and what response is expected except in the positive?!
I believe that something very deep is being stated here. I would like to share a powerful story to illustrate my point.
A young man got married and shortly thereafter arrived in Rabbi Avraham Pam zt”l’s office with a laundry list of complaints against his new wife. He concluded his case by stating, “when I got married, I was told positively and I saw for myself that my Kallah was a Ba’alas Middos Tovos, a Yarey Shamayim and a true Bas Yisrael, what has changed?!
Rav Pam knew he could be frank with him, “I believe that you are right, she was all of those wonderful things. The only thing that has changed in the equation is that you entered her life. You need to work on helping her bring out all of her positive strengths and lovely qualities”. The Chosson walked out charged with a vital lesson and clear mission to carry out.
I believe that this is the exact reason that we question the Chosson right after his marriage. Every Chosson exudes happiness and excitement when describing his new wife. We want him to take note of her greatness and to dedicate himself to taking good care of her and bringing out those strengths. This in turn will lead to a happy and productive marriage together!
