The Woman’s Secret to Success: Introduction 3 – The Aishes Chayil Style
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The verse in Mishley (13:1) places the power of success or failure in the realm of the woman. “The wisdom of women builds homes; the foolish woman destroys her home with her hands.” What has always eluded my understanding is firstly, what is the secret wisdom that women possess and secondly, the contrast here seems incongruent. Why does the verse mention that a foolish woman’s hands do the damage, it is obvious that her lack of wisdom is what destroys the home? An understanding of this will shed light on the role of the true Woman of Valor.
After Shifra and Pauh were commanded by Pharaoh to execute all male children that they delivered, they were called in to answer why they had not carried out the edict. They replied that Jewish woman were “חיות, Chayos (Shemos 1:19).” Commentators (other than Rashi) struggle with the explanation of this response. Most state that the word “Chayos” means, “wise.” Targum Yonasan and Targum Yerushalmi fill in the missing details: “The Jewish woman are wise, they cry out to Hashem to help them, and before we even arrive they have already successfully given birth and escaped the decree.”
The wisdom of the woman is her unrelenting faith and commitment to Hashem. This clarity of vision inspires her entire household and holds them together in the most trying times. This was the exact merit of the righteous women that helped the Jews leave Egypt (Sotah 11b). The foolish woman does the exact opposite. She relies on her own strength, her own hands, to carry out things. She does not turn to Hashem for help and guidance. This is the ultimate loss and destruction.
One Gadol recounted how every new zman (semester) he watched how one of the weakest and least serious students always managed to secure the best chavrusa (study partner) in the Yeshiva. One time, he overheard the boy on the phone with his mother and he understood his secret. “Mommy, you can stop crying over your Tehillim now, I got a good chavrusa and this time I am really going to learn well!” Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe zt”l recounted that it was only the vision of his mother crying as she lit her Shabbos candles, that lingered in his mind and inspired him to pursue a life of purity and greatness that she exposed him to. Rabbi Elezar Shach zt”l said that he remembered the profound impact that his mother had on him when she would remind him to wear his Yarmulka so that he would be a Yarei Shamayim. Rabbi Dessler zt”l recounted how his mother used to wake up Shabbos morning to prepare cake and hot drinks for him to encourage him to learn with his father then. Rabbi Yozel Tzainvert shlit”a, a senior Rav and Tzaddik in Yerushlayim once told me that when he was growing up in the poorest of times in Yerushalayim, his Bubby would give out special sweets on Shavuos and she would tell all of the children, “it is sweet, and Torah is even sweeter!” The emuna and beauty of Torah is brought to life by the wise women.
Chazal tell us that by nature a man has more respect for his mother, because she encourages him with sweet words (Kiddushin 31a). Her sweet and kind encouragement makes deep impressions in a child’s heart.
This now explains why the wisdom is referred to as belonging to women (plural) whereas the foolish woman is described in the singular. Part of the wisdom is the woman’s commitment to draw on the lessons of emuna and strength from the matriarchs and other women. Thus ‘women’ is in plural. The fool, however, sees herself as independent which is precisely her downfall.
The wise women are happy to reveal this secret; they are the shining examples of how to live by it as well!
Categories: Parshas Lech Lecha
