View on Children: Introduction 5 – The Aishes Chayil Style
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The Aishes Chayil is an amazing wife and mother. The Midrash Mishley (31) tells a heart-breaking story of such a woman on the opening verse of Aishes Chayil. The level of greatness that is expressed is very high, however, the lesson can be made relevant to every person.
One fateful Shabbos, Rabbi Meir was teaching Torah in the Shul and his two sons tragically passed away at home. Beruria, Rabbi Meir’s wife, made up her mind not to break the sad news to her husband until after Shabbos. When Rabbi Meir finished havdalah, he inquired as to the whereabouts of his sons. Beruria diverted his attention by posing a halachic question. “Someone gave me a collateral to watch and now he came today to collect it, but I said that I could not return it until I asked my husband. What is your opinion?” Rabbi Meir gently replied, “it’s his property and should be returned immediately.” With that, she showed him the two children that had passed away. Instantly, Rabbi Meir began to weep. Beruria gently reminded him, “remember, Hashem gave us them as a collateral and when He asked for them back we comply….” Rabbi Meir and her mourned together but found comfort with their new perspective.
This story is powerful and may we all be protected from all painful experiences of the such. The Aishes Chayil’s perspective of children is acutely healthy in dealing with them.
Children are in great need of autonomy and personal responsibility. Parents often crowd their children and snuff out their personal space. The “helicopter parent” is one who hovers over their child and tries to get involved in their every move. This is highly unhealthy. Parents are certainly well advised to give support and productive direction to their children. However, this should not be at the expense of the child’s freedom and self-discovery. Often the source of a parent’s over-protective vigilance stems from a misplaced feeling of responsibility and care. The child senses that his best interests are not the motivating factor in the rebuke, but rather it is his mother or father’s vested interests in self-advancement. “Sit down quietly, you’re embarrassing me!” “Put that down, I look like a failure of a parent.”
When parents learn to take a step back and view the child as a precious entrustment from Hashem, their approach is vastly changed. Rabbi Simcha Wasserman zt”l, a profound and expert educator, said it so eloquently, “when a child misbehaves, it’s his problem, not yours!” The Aishes Chayil knows that at the appropriate times, the ability to take a step back, is truly the way to get a step closer to the child!
Categories: Uncategorized Chinuch
