Close To Torah

The Aishes Chayil Style

• Appreciation and Motivation: Introduction 1 – The Aishes Chayil Style
• Her Identity: Introduction 2 – The Aishes Chayil Style
• The Woman’s Secret to Success: Introduction 3 – The Aishes Chayil Style
• The Power of Influence: Introduction 4 – The Aishes Chayil Style
• View on Children: Introduction 5 – The Aishes Chayil Style
• Reb Akiva Eiger’s Wife: Introduction 6 – The Aishes Chayil Style

“Behind every successful man is an encouraging woman.” Rabbi Akiva Eiger zt”l (1761-1837) was certainly no exception to this. After showing great promise as a young scholar, Reb Akiva Eiger was engaged to marry Glicky Margolies at age 14. They married in 1778 and shared the joy of having four wonderful children (Reb Shlomo Eiger, famous continuer of his father’s legacy, Sarah, wife of the Chassam Sofer, Avraham and Shaindel). After 18 years of marriage, Glicky got sick and passed away. Reb Akiva Eiger was 34 at the time and was absolutely devastated.

Shortly thereafter, his deceased wife’s sister and brother-in-law saw that Reb Akiva Eiger was in need of a partner and offered him their daughter’s hand (Briendal Feivelman, age 16) in marriage. In a most powerful letter, he declined for the time being, explaining that he was unable to move forward until he could come to grips with his loss. He subsequently married her 6 months later and when she passed away after 39 years of marriage (and 13 living children), Reb Akiva Eiger could not bear the pain and expired 18 months later at age 75 (September 23, 1837, Posen).

Reb Akiva Eiger (Letter 109) wrote to the Rabbanim who were asked to make the marriage suggestion to him. He described his feelings and appreciation towards his first Aishes Chayil. I have translated large segments of the letter for you to see with your own eyes.

“…How can I answer you (regarding the proposed match), my senses are confused, I cannot concentrate on anything…. I firstly must state that I find this proposal to be slightly insulting to my in-laws who are mourning the loss of their daughter as well (Reb Akiva Eiger’s sensitivity is unbelievable!)… How can I forget the love of the wife of my youth, my pure dove, whom Hashem blessed me with, we produced wonderful children together. She raised them to Torah and Yiras Shamayim, she supported my every effort to study Torah, she cared for my health and sustenance so that I would not be distracted from learning… She walked a son and daughter together with me down the aisle with joy and happiness (this is a strong point, their marriage was enhanced by shared goals and times)… Who will I share my worries with and receive comfort, who will look after and care for me… Who knew her righteousness and modesty more than I? Many times we were up in animated discussions about the topic of Yiras Shamayim until the middle of the night… As you can tell, I am a broken man, in a dark world, I lost all pleasure, I accept Hashem’s decree. I cannot answer any questions now, the tears make me unable to read… I did all that was in my power to care for my wife and now I am weak and in grave danger. I was unable to eat or keep down any food, I could not sleep, thank God some of the medicines helped a little, I could not daven without distraction and could not even learn a simple topic… Even if I were to accept to marry her, it would not be worth anything as I am not considered stable enough to agree…. please give me time to regain my composure and clear thinking….”

In a later letter, Rabbi Eiger expresses his affection for his second wife and the fact that she had gained the adoration of her step children who saw her as a role model of love and Avodas Hashem.

The beautiful and powerful lessons expressed here speak for themselves…. Please join me in the next issue as we explore the first verse of Aishes Chayil….

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