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It’s When They Don’t See – Parshas Toldos 5771
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Posted by Chaim Meiselman
November 5th, 2010
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I recently heard an interesting Gemara that speaks about this parsha. The Gemara says that a certain Amora was quoted as saying that the honor that Esav gave to Yitzchak was much greater than the way he did. He explained that while he went to visit his father, he would wear the same clothing that he had worked in that day, while Esav would put on his finest when he went to greet his father.

While there are many things different Rishonim and Acharonim learn from this Gemara, one thing seemed to stand out. I noticed that it never deterred Esav that Yitzchak was blind and would have never seen that Esav was wearing his finest in honor of his father, and Esav was doing this purely out of respect for his father.
This is the great honor that the Gemara is referring to. Esav was acting out of his great respect towards his father, and the fact that he would not receive recognition for his accordance of honor toward his father did not stop him.

I read recently in the biography of R’ Shlomo Freifeld an embodiment of this point. Whenever R’ Shlomo would talk to his Rebbe, R’ Hutner, on the phone, he would wear shabbos clothing and remain standing during the entire conversation. Even though R’ Hutner could not see him, he would do it out of his powerful respect for his Rebbe. This extra step of honor was this point Esav had brought out in his great Kibud Av.

We all know that with all of Esav’s great deeds toward his father, all of it turned out to be a tool of manipulation toward his greedy agenda. Looking later in the parsha, when Yaakov stole the Berachos and Esav’s true colors were unearthed, it seems as if the Kibud Av of Esav should be thrown away and disregarded. The Gemara is coming to tell us that Esav had a point, regardless of his ulterior motive.

I believe that for the same reason, the Gemara refers to the benefactors of one’s funeral as ‘Chesed Shel Emes’, or ‘The true kindness.’ It is only then, when the person has passed on and can’t repay the favor that the Gemara says that he is doing a true act of kindness.

It is this same selflessness and untainted dedication that the Amora was referring to. Esav surpassed everyone in Kibud Av here, when it was as if it was only a matter of principle that drove him to act that way. It is then that one’s inner motives come out, and we can see what he truly stands for.

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