Intermarriage is the greatest problem facing the Jewish nation today. It is decimating our masses at an alarming rate as the tides of our youth assimilate into oblivion. Faced with this challenge, we have dispatched some of our best and brightest to the forefront to confront this growing problem head on.
We have sent them to college campuses around the globe. There, outreach professionals are able to reach out in an attempt to save the next generation of Jews and preserve our heritage keeping our torch of tradition burning bright.
Yet, difficult questions arise – questions which need to be answered. Here is one such question along with an approach that I heard from Rabbi Doron Kornbluth – author of “Why Marry Jewish?” – at a recent conference for outreach workers in northern Israel.
Outreach professionals are often confronted with the question, “Isn’t Judaism racist? After all, why must a Jew marry a Jew – are the rest of the world’s population second class citizens?
Let’s begin with a parable that can help answer such a question.
A partner in a high profile law firm (an African American bachelor) receives word that a paralegal (a Caucasian female) is interested in dating him.
He sends word back that – as a proud African American – and one who dates only for marriage – he will only date fellow African Americans.
Needless to say, this causes quite an uproar in the office the next day by lunch. Accusations abound, he is labeled a racist and his colleagues are up in arms. Here is a white woman willing to date a black man and she is turned away. He seeks to calm the storm and releases a statement the next day by lunch:
“I’m proud of my rich heritage and hence, I seek to marry someone who has as much in common with me and can relate to my culture. Thus, I’m seeking a fellow, proud African American.”
Would we call him a racist in such a case? No. He simply is seeking a life partner who has as much in common as him and rightfully so.
He is not obligated to date someone from a different background. Furthermore, being that he is proud about his culture – his marriage would suffer if his spouse didn’t appreciate it as much as he did.
We can take such an example from President Barack Obama. In his college years, he would go by the name of ‘Barry.’ As he became prouder of his black culture he took the name ‘Barack’ as we know it. If you take a look at the writings of his wife Michelle – you will see how strong a nationalist she is as well.
Barack’s parents intermarried – so to speak – notice how he didn’t. Turning to a more recent news item, another member of the liberal family, Chelsea Clinton announced her plans to marry a nice Jewish boy.
The media reported how she was seen attending ‘High Holiday services’ with her fiancée. However, there was no word of who would perform the ceremony – a member of the clergy or a Rabbi. If only it were that simple.
In one of the examples we were given at the conference, a therapist – who was counseling an intermarried couple married for several years – was using the ‘word association’ technique. That’s where the therapist says a word aloud and the patient has to say their first thought that comes to mind.
Both the husband and wife were shocked when the therapist would mention words relating to religion such as ‘church’ and ‘Chanukah’ and their respective responses showed they had little respect and much disdain for them.
They were married for years and never realized how deep the divide that separated them really was. That is why a Jew must marry a Jew. Yes, that is what we are commanded to do in the Torah. However, taking a deeper look – it’s a must because it ensures that the couple is in sync with one another. This is one approach to dealing with such a question.
In marriage, it’s important that the couple have as much in common as possible. When two people come from two very different religious perspectives, it can create a great divide.
Parents who intermarry will often wish that their children marry Jewish after seeing how tough a battle it was raising them in a dual religion home. It simply doesn’t always work out as planned.
Chanukah is also a time that awakens differences in intermarried couples. A Menorah or a tree? These are issues that are better avoided. All that we can do is pray that our efforts to combat intermarriage are successful and that we are able to stem the tide of assimilation quickly before it’s too late.
Chanukah, Reaching Out
Loading ...
