Close To Torah

With Pesach just around the corner, stop cleaning (momentarily, that is) and download the revised Ohr Somayach Pesach Handbook today.

With inspiring articles, Halacha and Q/A, it will surely enhance your Pesach.

Mothers, it even has an article about cleaning!

To download click here: www.ohr.edu/pesachbook

Best wishes for a Chag Kasher V’Sameach!

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ואת יהודה שלח לפניו (מו:כח).

“He (Yaakov) sent Yehuda ahead” (48:28).

When Yaakov finally heard that Yosef was alive and well in Egypt, he desired to move there. He packed up his family and belongings and was ready to go. However, he made one important prerequisite before leaving. He sent Yehuda ahead of everyone to start a Yeshiva, a study hall in which they would be able to learn Torah. Why was this necessary to send ahead for, why couldn’t Yaakov just wait until they arrived in order to establish a Yeshiva?!

The Shlah learns from this a fundamental lesson. Yaakov wanted to make it clear that Torah comes first. Shlah states from here that whenever one embarks upon something new, one should always give precedence and consideration towards our holy and sacred Torah. We strive to establish Torah as our guide and priority. He states that when one is looking at a new house, he should first ask, “where will I learn”, and then decide how the family will be situated. The same would hold true for a new car, computer, pen or bike. One can ask, ‘how will this help me in my spiritual growth’?!

I write this as I sit in my new swivel chair and by my new desk. I want to establish their use for the sake of Torah study! Sure, many other things will be done from this seat and desk, like figuring out my finances and shmoozing on the phone, but the focus and respect for Torah is most important.

This idea is expressed by Sefer HaChinuch as well. He states that the reason why the Torah commands one to give Bikurim, the first of the crops, to Hashem is so that one will put Hashem first and foremost. It is for this reason, he states, that the Bechor, firstborn, is dedicated to Hashem (given to the Kohen). At the beginning of one’s journey, we set the tone for the course to follow. This is why Yaakov wanted a Yeshiva established even BEFORE they got to Egypt.

What remains to explain is, why did Yaakov specifically send Yehuda ahead and not any of his other children? I believe that the answer lies in Yehuda’s two strengths that we find in this Parsha. One is his kingship and the second is his sense of mission and responsibility. Yehuda was the King and leader of the brothers. He stood up before all of them to speak to the powerful viceroy of Pharaoh. The job of the king is to inspire and lead the people in the fear Hashem.

Yehuda was the one who stood up to act and assumed much responsibility throughout Sefer Bereishis. He confessed in the story of Tamar and he took responsibility for Binyamin’s safety, putting his eternity on the line.

These two traits, kingship and responsibility, made Yehuda the perfect candidate to entrust with the mission of establishing Torah as the stronghold of the Jews that would guide them throughout their exile.

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I recently read Miracle Ride (Artscroll) – a true story about a sixteen years old high school girl and her battle with cancer. The riveting book which everyone should read, and re-read again is her diary and allows you to join in on her journey as she battles the disease head on and rides its waves.

The following essay – For Everything a Blessing – appears in it and contains a powerful message. I post it in its original context and with my compliments to Google.

Kenneth M.Prager, M.D.

Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center, New York

When I was an elementary school student in yeshiva – a Jewish parochial school with both religious and secular studies – my classmates and I used to find amusing a sign that was posted just outside the bathroom. It was an ancient Jewish blessing, commonly referred to as the asher yatzar benediction, that was supposed to be recited after one relieved oneself. For grade school children, there could be nothing more strange or ridiculous than to link to acts of micturition and defecation with holy words that mentioned God’s name. Blessings were reserved for prayers, for holy days, or for thanking God for food or for some act of deliverance, but surely not for a bodily function that evoked smirks and giggles.

It took me several decades to realize the wisdom that lay behind this blessing that was composed by Abayei, a fourth-century Babylonian rabbi.

Abayei’s blessing is contained in the Talmud, an encyclopedic work of Jewish law and lore that was written over the first five centuries of the common era. The Jewish religion is chock-full of these blessings, orbrachot, as they are called in Hebrew. In fact, an entire tractate of Talmud, 128 pages in length, is devoted to brachot.

On page 120 (Brachot 60b) of the ancient text it is written:

“Abayei said, when one comes out of a privy he should say: Blessed is He who has formed man in wisdom and created in him many orifices and many cavities. It is obvious and known before Your throne of glory that if one of them were to be ruptured or one of them blocked, it would be impossible for a man to survive and stand before You. Blessed are You that heals all flesh and does wonders.”

An observant Jew is supposed to recite this blessing in Hebrew after each visit to the bathroom. We young yeshiva students were reminded of our obligation to recite this prayer by the signs that contained its text that were posted just outside the restroom doors.

It is one thing, however, to post these signs and it is quite another to realistically expect preadolescents to have the maturity to realize the wisdom of and need for reciting a 1600-year-old blessing related to bodily functions.

It was not until my second year of medical school that I first began to understand the appropriateness of this short prayer. Pathophysiology brought home to me the terrible consequences of even minor aberrations in the structure and function of the human body, At the very least, I began to no longer take for granted the normalcy of my trips to the bathroom. Instead, I started to realize how many things had to operate just right for these minor interruptions of my daily routine to run smoothly.

I thought of Abayei and his blessing. I recalled my days at yeshiva and remembered how silly that sign outside the bathroom had seemed. But after seeing patients whose lives revolved around their dialysis machines, and others with colostomies and urinary catheters, I realized how wise the rabbi had been.

And then it happened: I began to recite Abayei’s bracha. At first I had to go back to my siddur, the Jewish prayer book, to get the text right. With repetition – and there were many opportunities for a novice to get to know this blessing well – I could recite it fluently and with sincerity and understanding.

Over the years, reciting the asher yatzar has become for me and opportunity to offer thanks not just for the proper functioning of my excretory organs, but for my overall good health. The text, after all, refers to catastrophic consequences of the rupture or obstruction of any bodily structure, not only those of the urinary or gastrointestinal tract. Could Abayei, for example, have foreseen that “blockage” of the “cavity,” or lumen, of the coronary artery would lead to the commonest cause of death in industrialized countries some 16 centuries later?

I have often wondered if other people also yearn for some way to express gratitude for their good health. Physicians especially, who are exposed daily to the ravages that illness can wreak, must sometimes feel the need to express thanks for being well and thus well-being. Perhaps a generic, nondenominational asher yatzar could be composed for those who want to verbalize their gratitude for being blessed with good health.

There was one unforgettable patient whose story reinforced the truth and beauty of the asher yatzar for me forever. Josh was a 20-year-old student who sustained an unstable fracture of his third and fourth cervical vertebrae in a motor vehicle crash. He nearly died from his injury and required emergency intubation and ventilatory support. He was initially totally quadriplegic but for weak flexion of his right biceps.

A long and difficult period of stabilization and rehabilitation followed. There were promising signs of neurological recovery over the first few months that came suddenly and unexpectedly: movement of a finger here, flexion of a toe there, return of sensation here, adduction of a muscle group there. With incredible courage, hard work, and an excellent physical therapist, Josh improved day by day. In time, and after what seemed like a miracle, he was able to walk slowly with a leg brace and a cane.

But Josh continued to require intermittent catheterization. I know only too well the problems and perils this young man would face for the rest of his life because of a neurogenic bladder. The urologists were very pessimistic about his chances for not requiring catheterization. They had not seen this occur after a spinal cord injury of this severity.

Then the impossible happened. I was there the day Josh no longer required a urinary catheter. I thought of Abayei’s asher yatzar prayer. Pointing out that I could not imagine a more meaningful scenario for its recitation, I suggested to Josh, who was also a yeshiva graduate, that he say the prayer. He agreed. As he recited the ancient bracha, tears welled in my eyes.

Josh is my son.

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A Man Who Lived For Others

Before I even write a word, I must preface by stating that I come not to provide any answers or explanations. I am speechless at this tragic news. We can only have answers when Mashiach arrives.

Over the past number of years, I was one of many patients to have been privileged to know Dr. Lesser.

He was a warm and dynamic man, with patients represented by all religious groups of the community. He had remarkable character traits and true sensitivity; you never felt rushed when asking him for advice. He was a true professional, yet always relaxed. It was a pleasure to chat with him as he caught up with your life since the last visit. He was a genuine and sincere person, someone with much understanding and true feeling for life.

I would like to share some memories and sentiments as I struggle to come to grips with his sudden passing.

It is most chilling to me when I think about the very glasses that I presently wear. He determined their prescription; his patience and expert hands arranged them to sit comfortably on my face.

I once asked him if eye doctors could check their own eyes. He responded with a very serious, “no”. “Even if you are the best Optometrist in the world, you still need someone else to examine your own eyes for you”. He then went on to say that he was lucky to have learned this very early in his career after examining an elderly eye Doctor who had spent his life checking his own eyes. Dr. Lesser found him to suffer from some very serious eye problems. Had these issues been caught earlier, they could have been treated. He then went on say that he always tells this advice to eye doctors he speaks with.

This story summarized what Dr. Lesser stood for. He was a thinking person who took to heart the lessons he learned and was always looking to share his experiences to help others.

He was filled with warmth and compassion. I always knew from the way he described his family, that he was a model husband and father. I understood that he had a beautiful and deep relationship with his loving wife and children. I know that they love and appreciated him as well. This thought makes his passing even more painful for me.

Whenever I entered his office, I witnessed how he treated every single customer with the utmost care and respect. Jews and non-Jews flocked to him and received his sweet smile, professional counsel and undivided attention. I once waited impatiently as he explained to an elderly woman the difference between all of the sunglasses in his store and which would be best for her. I was in disbelief as to how calm he remained as he repeated himself to her for the third time. He had one goal, to listen to her and to serve her needs. It was only when he finished with her and went on to help reshape my glasses, repeatedly, with patience and care, that I understood why he gave so much time to all of his customers. He truly loved helping people.

My last interaction with him came at my yearly eye exam at the beginning of last month. He came out to greet me with his usual friendly smile and we began chatting as if we were resuming our last conversation. He told me about where to find the best eye drops and how not to get fooled by advertising ploys. He was very respectful and encouraging of all my new endeavors that I shared with him. He was more than a Doctor, he was a compassionate and loving soul.

Indeed, Dr. Lesser dedicated his life to caring for and helping people to see properly. It is most apropos that his death, which has shook us to the core, has also challenged us to take a good look at life and gain 20/20 vision in realizing what is really most important. Dr. Lesser’s lesson of love and devotion will live on in all of us. He has inspired us with a new look at life.

My prayers and condolences go out to his dear family, friends, and entire community.

Yosef Tropper

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Uncategorized Dr. Scott Lesser Baltimore

This past Friday night I heard a powerful story from Rabbi Moshe Pindrus at Yeshivas Ohr Somayach in Jerusalem. It has a clear and simple message. Let’s internalize this lesson and integrate it into our everyday lives.

Many years ago – as you’ll soon see – a young boy walked into a hotel and sat down in the restaurant. The waitress approached the young boy and brought him a glass of water. She asked him, “What would you like to order?”

“How much does an ice cream sundae cost?” asked the young boy.

“50 cents”, replied the waitress.

The young boy dug deep into his pocket and began to slowly count his change under the table. The waitress began to grow impatient as the restaurant began to slowly fill with patrons. The young boy looked up and asked, “How much does a dish of ice cream cost?”

“35 cents”, replied the waitress.

“Ok”, said the young boy. “I’ll take a dish of chocolate ice cream, please.”

The waitress brought him his dish of ice cream and the boy licked it clean enjoying it very much. He got up and left. The waitress walked toward his table to tidy up and began to cry as she noticed two shiny quarters the boy had left on the table as payment.

He had left a 15 cent tip. He gave up his ice cream sundae for a dish of ice cream so he’d have enough change leftover to tip the waitress.

Throughout our day, we are always encountering people in the office, at school or on our errands. Do we stop and at least offer them our thanks and show our appreciation for all that they have done for us?

Let’s renew our focus on recognizing the good deeds of others and make it a point of saying thank you.

Would we do the same as the young boy? Next time let’s say yes!

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No, I don’t have a pet lobster as the title suggests – but there is one important lesson we can learn from this particular creature of Hashem.

Well, we’ll start with a little lesson in lobster anatomy. How does a lobster grow? No, spinach isn’t the answer. This is how it happens. When it outgrows its shell, it retreats back to the safe confines of the rock crevices and sheds its shell. It then grows a new one. This process repeats itself every time it reaches its maximum size.

While it remains behind the rock crevice, it is in great danger. It can fall prey to the strong currents which could toss it against the sharp rocks, or even be eaten by a predator. (Yes, that would be shellfish. No pun intended.)

Thus, in order to grow the lobster must risk its very life! From this, we mortal humans can learn one very important lesson.

In life, we often must take risks. Whether we do so in business or other matters, success doesn’t come without trial and error. At times, a person may be forced to risk his life and try a new medical procedure in an attempt to save their life. A venture capitalist may invest his life savings into what he thinks will be the next ‘big thing’. In life, it’s two steps forward and one step back. We must learn to live with risk as we seek growth and progress in our spiritual and material drives.

How do we apply this? We must begin to take reasonable risks – calculated that is – to propel us from our battles of today to our successes of tomorrow.  Our leaders of the past as well as our leaders of the present have all had to calculate what risks to take.

Two leaders which come to mind are Noah and our matriarch Rachel. Coincidentally, today is when Noah entered the Ark. After seven days, the rains began and lasted forty days and forty nights. Today is also the Yahrtzeit of Rochel Imeinu – our matriarch Rachel. Buried roadside, her gravesite remains a place where Jews of all walks of life flock and cry out, seeking that she intervene in heaven on their behalf.

Noah risked his life constructing the Ark – Hashem’s edifice. Rachel risked – and as a result lost – her life in an attempt to prevent her father’s idol worship. Yet, here we stand today as a result of their risks and their unwavering leadership.

So, next time you see a lobster floating in the tank at the supermarket – remember the important lesson it teaches us. Take risks. Through trial and error, success and failure we grow and progress in our personal and spiritual lives.

Based on an article on Aish.com

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We are often told to count our blessings. I’d like to share with you a thought I saw last year on how to define and understand the very blessings we’ve been blessed with.

The verse in Parshas Ki Savo states, ‘And all these blessings will come upon you and overtake you.’ The question is raised by many of the commentaries as to why the need for the words ‘and overtake you’; after all, it seems superfluous. Shouldn’t the words ‘And all these blessings will come upon you’ suffice?

There are several reasons given as to why the need for the words ‘and overtake you’. I struck by the explanation given by the great Chassidic master, the Imrei Shaul of Modzhitz.

He gives the example of a person who is blessed with vast wealth and material success. Unfortunately however, he doesn’t possess the intellect to use it for the right purpose and lives a materialistic lifestyle – one devoid of meaning and spirituality. For such a person, wealth is not a blessing but a liability.

Thus, the verse after relating all the blessings we are to receive states ‘and overtake you’ – a warning. While we will receive blessings, we must remember how to behave and treat that which we are blessed with. Furthermore, the Imrei Shaul explains, that ‘and overtake you’ is one of the very blessings themselves! It’s one thing to be blessed – it’s another thing to realize what to do with the blessings.

Throughout our lives we often achieve success. Yet, at times, we often allow it to go to our heads and fail to treat it with the necessary care. The message of ‘and overtake you’ is that our blessings are defined and carry a mission. They are a means to a higher goal. The skills implanted by Hashem within us give us the ability to serve him and perfect our character.

It’s imperative that we turn our blessings into merits and not allow them to become our liabilities.

So brother, be blessed.  Remember – blessings defined!

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Have you ever wondered why the world is round?

Well, here is an answer and something to ponder.

Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin – author of the famous Mussar work, Nefesh HaChaim – provides us with a reason, one of truth and great importance.

The world is built upon three pillars one of which is Torah. Our practice and observance of the Torah and the 613 Mitzvos keep the world running. Each and every one of our countless actions keeps it going.

If, G-d forbid, there were to be lull or pause – the world as we know it would cease to exist. Thus, the Almighty – in his infinite wisdom and kindness – created a round world; a world with night and day one with time zones and the like.

As the Rabbi in Los Angeles closes his Sefer – or study book – for the night, the student in Jerusalem is getting ready to begin a new day of learning. This system we take for granted as part of daily living is what keeps the world we live in alive and continuous.

When we do a good deed or sit down to study we must realize that we are taking part in G-d’s master plan by furthering his ultimate creation.

I’d like to take this idea one step further.

This can also serve as an important reminder that our actions bear ramifications; Not only for the positive but for the negative as well. When you smile at the secretary on the way into the office you’ve helped make their day a bit brighter. Who knows what you’ve done for them. Perhaps that’s what they needed to make it through their day.

Similarly, when you make a hasty remark to your colleague, spouse or associate you may not know the consequences of your actions. It can have a negative backlash and cause a chain reaction.

So, as you the reader peruse through this short thought written here in Jerusalem, you will be beginning your new day. I will be retiring for the night content and assured that I have passed on the Torah’s torch to you who will help keep the world alive.

Rest assured, I’ll G-d willing take it back from you soon when nightfall descends on your end of the Atlantic and do my part.

So, now we know why the world is really round.

Good luck!

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The following essay originally appeared anonymously in the recently published book Straight Talk – The Next Step (Targum Press).

Dear Jewish Brothers and Sisters,

The purpose of this letter is to discuss with you a fellow teen’s perspective on how to deal with life’s challenges and tribulations. Although I have not signed this letter, and choose to remain anonymous, I am a teenager just like you, and I believe that I share many common challenges with you.

I am not claiming to be the expert on life, rather, as a fellow friend I am just sharing with you some notions which I have found helpful in riding the tumultuous waves of life and trying to overcome its challenges. I hope that you will find at least one idea to be practical and inspirational.

So let’s go!

The Situation At Hand – Life Is Not Easy

The fact of the matter is that the world out there is not easy. Life, contrary to popular wishful thinking, can get pretty aggravating and difficult at times. Never before have there been so many renowned media personalities who have made their fortunes coaching people through life. Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, and Dr. Weil….the list goes on!

Without a doubt, you may have friends who have “fallen through the cracks,” “strayed from the path,” and/or who have gotten involved with inappropriate relationships, alcohol and drugs. While numerous factors may have played a role in causing this, a central common reason for their unfortunate choices was that they were fed up with and overwhelmed by life. How can we learn to cope with all of the stress?

Tip #1 Speak Up!

Our Sages teach us that if you have a problem, talk to someone about it. Keeping your dilemma secret is not a sensible or effective solution. Please, do yourself a favor and talk to somebody. Find a person whom you can trust and who will listen and understand you, and have an open heart to heart discussion with them. Before you laugh at this suggestion, give it a try for yourself. From my own personal experience I can tell you that once I began talking things over with friends and teachers whom I was comfortable with and trusted my life became much easier to deal with.

You need to let out and express your feelings! A parable to illustrate the important idea of letting out your withheld stress goes as follows. If you shake an unopened bottle of soda, the pressure inside will build. The harder you shake it, the greater the risk of explosion. However, once the bottle is opened, if you then shake it violently, although the soda will gush to the surface, a total explosion will no longer occur.

So too in life, we are faced with challenges. If we allow the pressure, anger, emotions, and feelings to build, then we are increasing the risk of serious damage to our well being. We very well might “explode” or breakdown. The longer we keep things inside us, the longer we are depriving ourselves of the opportunity to ease the burden and pressure. However, if you find someone to confide in, even though the pressures will still be there, because you have “opened the bottle up” a total explosion will now be averted. Slowly you will work on solving the problems. Yes, it’s hard to speak up but it’s well worth it.

Tip #2 Take Charge – Grab Life by the Horns!

Another crucial pointer is to TAKE CHARGE! Don’t just sit there and let your emotions override your intellect. Why allow yourself to remain miserable and fall deeper and deeper into your state of exasperation. One of the first and most crucial steps towards self-help is the path of action. Muster up the energy and emotional strength and take charge of the situation at hand. By failing to take charge of the situation, you essentially have made a decision to allow detrimental and bad things to occur. Furthermore, you delay the solution. Blaming others for your travails will not do you any good. You must buckle up and psyche yourself up to ride the waves.

Tip #3 Keep a Positive Attitude

Part One – Appreciating What You Have

While Tips #1 and #2 are both crucial and essential elements on your path to overcoming your challenges, without Tip #3, it is practically impossible. Having a positive attitude and accepting that which happens to you will propel you through the storm, and protect you from harm. In his book “Happiness,” Rabbi Zelig Pliskin recommends that every morning a person should shout aloud, “How happy I am to be alive today!”

While I have no right to compare my challenges to yours, I think that the following reframe can be relevant to everyone. Look around the world and realize that there are tens of millions of people who go hungry, have no home, no family, no clothing, and in some cases nothing to live for. Regardless of the severity of your challenges, you must keep things in their proper perspective and be thankful for everything that you actually do have. Don’t take all of the good things for granted!

When you wake up in the morning, thank God for returning your soul to its’ body. When you wash your hands thank God for granting you the sense of touch, something many people are not privileged to possess. When you eat your breakfast, thank God for giving you the sense of taste, 10,000 taste buds which provide you with a multi-flavored pleasure experience. When you step outside and hear the birds chirping and smell the fresh aroma of morning, thank God for blessing you with the senses of hearing and smell. When you read the morning paper and drive through traffic, thank The One Above for giving you the ability to see!

Everything we have, no matter how small, is a precious gift from our God who loves us so dearly. Yes, we all have our fair share of challenges, but we must keep things in perspective. Personally, this message really hit home powerfully when I compared my individual challenges to those of a teacher of mine who was diagnosed with a rare life- threatening disease. He was only the second documented case in the world! Instantly, he went from being a successful and busy family man to a bed-ridden patient. Immediate emergency surgery was performed in a desperate attempt to try to save his life. The thirteen-hour procedure left him without one eye and removed all bone and cartilage from an entire side of his face. He spent close to two years receiving grueling chemotherapy. He lost what seemed to be half of his body-weight!

Through all of the trials and tribulations he made a brave and miraculous recovery and stayed positive from beginning to end! To illustrate the physical state of his head following surgery, he would shine a flashlight into his mouth and the light would pour out of his eyehole. Why do I have to mention that? Because that was the first thing he did when I visited him! This was what I compared my own problems to. My conclusion was that I am lucky to be alive and healthy!

Additionally, I learned so much from him. I have never seen a man of such courage, internal strength, character, perseverance, and resolve. I don’t think I ever will meet someone with more than he possessed! Today this man is alive and well, and has resumed his teaching position which he has held for close to thirty-five years!
Never once did he ever complain in the slightest fashion. Not when I would visit him in the chemo-ward, not when I would call him on the phone, NEVER did I ever hear a word of grievance! The impression he left on me will never be forgotten. He faced the greatest challenge any of us can ever face, the fight for life, and he rose to the occasion, he took charge, grabbed life by the horns, kept positive and propelled himself through the storm much to all his doctors disbelief!

Part Two – All is for the Best

While it should probably be classed as a tip in its’ own right, realizing that all is for the best goes hand in hand with the aforementioned. Our Sages teach us that God only tests a person on a level that He feels that he or she can overcome. Similarly, the Talmud relates that the greater a man, the greater the challenges which he gets. It is imperative that we realize that the mountains we face are a sign of our strengths and stature in God’s eyes. Just the other day a friend remarked to me, “wouldn’t life be boring without challenges?!” While you may not agree, there is definitely some truth to his quip.

We all know what God wants from us and we all want to succeed! Keep in mind that each of us was placed in this world with a unique heavenly mission. As we move along, we are expected to make progress. We earn reward in the World to Come for all the good that we do. When you share inspiration with someone, when you help a child cross the street, when you fulfill one of the 613 Mitzvos, commandments, an angel is created in heaven. When you ascend to heaven, he is there to testify on your behalf before the Heavenly Tribunal.

Learn to recognize that all is for the best, accept it with love. While I have no knowledge of your level of religious observance, and I am no Torah scholar, I remind you that GOD IS GOOD! He loves each and every one of us, and the “bad” that comes our way is just a means to test us and reward us for our accomplishments.

Many times when something bad occurs, we immediately conclude that tragedy has struck. However, in hindsight the “tragedy” may turn out to be a lifesaver. The man who got stuck in morning Manhattan traffic surely was upset to miss his appointment, until he heard that a plane had crashed into his office! God runs the world and has a master plan. We are not always privy to it, but we believe that it is true. The only way to deal with it then is to accept it with love, knowing that it is all for the best. It is not easy, and you may not be able to do it overnight, but start now. A happy and successful life awaits you!

Tip #4 Remaining Calm – Patience and Preventing Unnecessary Grief

Part One- Staying Cool

The heat of the moment is a very dangerous time. Just as a spark to dry timber is disastrous, so too is confrontation and frenzy at the heat of the moment. We all have been faced with these moments. Whether it was during a joyous occasion or a somber one, a split-second decision could have a long-term effect for better or for worse.
For example, when a Groom places the wedding ring on his Bride’s finger, he has in essence seized the moment, and taken the step toward marriage. Conversely, when the writ of divorce is signed, the parties have chosen to take a step that unfortunately can be quite painful and harmful toward a families’ relationship.

When crisis arises, it is crucial to remain calm. Remain patient; do not allow anger to hijack your intellect and emotional state. You must remain focused and solution-oriented. By doing so, you will keep yourself on track towards finding a solution. Don’t add fuel to the fire. It does not pay to act on your instinct for you will only regret it later. Live the moment to its fullest.

Part Two-Proper Attitude

It is critical, in my humble opinion, that you eliminate all harmful attitudes. Why? Because it’s important not to make the issue at hand harder to deal with than it really is. While it is not easy, we must all learn to replace anger, anxiety, grief, and impatience, with positive thoughts, enthusiasm, serenity, and the will to have harmony with others. But that is practically impossible! I used to think, and you probably are thinking now. WRONG!

While perusing through a bookstore, I came across a series of books by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin which I guarantee will change the life of anyone who drinks in of their wisdom and practical advise. They are relatively brief, and are not a cloud-nine, psychological book. They are in fact a down-to-earth guide presented in a clear and inspiring fashion.

Happiness, Harmony, Courage, Patience, Enthusiasm, and Serenity, are a must read. A friend of mine, who has been through it all (suicide contemplation, discarding Judaism, alcoholism, etc) read just one book and was amazed. He said to me. “…this just helps tons…get me more (Rabbi) Pliskin stuff!”

While pointing fingers and sulking does ease my conscience, I finally concluded that it never once did solve the issue! Take charge, read a self-help book, and you’ll be on your way toward happiness and success!

That’s Nice…. But I Come from a Broken Home and Dysfunctional Family

Part One-Learning to Cope

Many times the troubles we teens face is strife at home. Perhaps it’s our parents divorce, subsequent stepparents, the unfortunate death of a parent or sibling, or numerous other potential causes of a dysfunctional family. These are big, tragic and painful problems which have surely shattered your life and/or the lives of many of your friends.

As big as these problems may be, I urge you to realize that they can, sometimes on your own and sometimes with the aid of professional help, be dealt with in a responsible and productive manner. While I fortunately, have not experienced it, I have seen it happen firsthand to a number of close friends.

A friend of mine received a call from his stepparent, and was informed that all of his possessions had been removed from his childhood home and placed into the dumpster behind the house if he was interested in collecting them. That was his last interaction with that “family member.” The event signified the climax to a very turbulent time in his life. Many people in his situation would have long given up by now.

However, he took charge of the circumstances and is now learning Torah for a segment of the day, working part time in a professional community service occupation and pursuing his life’s goal of attending graduate school as well. What propelled him through his challenge and helped him “weather the storm” was his quest for excellence and his will to succeed.

From my meager experience, I recommend that all those who feel that they are being hurt by a dysfunctional home, it is imperative that you seek immediate help. Your teachers, friends, or associates are there to help you. If you need, there is professional help available as well. You just have to speak up. Search and you will find someone to help you cope with your situation.

Part Two-Defining Dysfunctional

A wise man once asked a crowd, “what defines a dysfunctional family?” He then answered by quipping, “any family with more then one member.” How frighteningly true that is! If you think about it, every family is slightly dysfunctional to a certain extent. Meaning to say, there are always differences of opinion and disagreements between siblings, children and parents, and spouses. When they fail to resolve them in a calm and civilized manner it is because they are essentially dysfunctional.

Am I saying that these families have an intrinsic or moral problem? Absolutely not! Rather I am simply saying that by failing to put aside differences and not resolving their conflicts they are creating a dysfunctional state of life. When you fail to deal with the issue and let it remain, you create tension and foster an unhealthy environment of strife and animosity. The definition of “dysfunctional” is relative.

While you may think that your family is more dysfunctional than others, know that your family is not alone. You never know what other families are going through even if everything appears normal on the outside.

As crazy as it sounds, you will see that many of those who have grown up in “broken homes” with “dysfunctional families” have gone on to lead some of the most successful lives. This has been the case with many of the people I know, and if you think about it I’m sure that you know people like this as well.

Keep your head up high; don’t let your challenges damage your self-esteem. Just because your family is “dysfunctional” doesn’t mean that you have to be. View yourself as a productive and valued member of the Chosen Nation and of society.

Tip #5 Setting Long-Term and Short-Term Goals

Crucial to your success is your ability to set long-term and short-term goals. In the Stock Market, your Financial Planner will set a long-term growth goal as well as a short-term plan to provide you with more liquidity and flexibility allowing for “special occasions spending,” be it a wedding, college tuition, or an unexpected major expense.

While you may be interested in your long-term success, you must set reasonable and achievable short-term goals. Why? Because there is no greater joy then the taste of success. By meeting your short-term goals you will have the energy, spirit, and drive to power through the storm and meet your important long-term goals.

Take a paper and pen, and write them down. Keep them in your drawer and look at them from time to time to remind yourself of your expected results. By creating a “life plan” you have laid the groundwork for a successful life.

Tip #6 Getting Up When You Are Down and the Power of Emotional States

Part One- Get Moving!

Getting up from being down is definitely the hardest part. Why, because it means accepting responsibility for your actions, forgiving others and yourself, and putting the past behind you. While you may need to seek a professional’s help, some helpful suggestions from the book ”Happiness” by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin are the following. Listen to your favorite music (loudly, and with some positive emotion!), and exercise.

Research has shown that when you exercise, your body releases hormones that create a positive feeling in your body. Go for a brisk walk, a stimulating jog, or if you are a fitness buff, pump the iron. Commit yourself to a daily regimen of exercise. The main goal is not to get fit, but rather to get yourself moving and give you a sense of accomplishment.

Lastly, when you pass by a mirror, make it your business to stop and smile at yourself while saying, “if my reflection appears happy, I can be happy!” Try it once!

Part Two- Think Happy Thoughts!

When you experience joy and happiness your brain creates an emotional state or “memory clip.” By training yourself to “retrieve” these clips you can always access your most memorable states. Remember what it felt like going on that crazy roller-coaster? Remember when you got that amazing birthday gift? Remember when you sang solo on stage? Remember when someone you respect gave you a meaningful compliment?

We all have experienced memorable occasions which make us happy when we recall their occurrence. Try this out, every day for a week write down the day’s most memorable happening. Then once a day for the next week recall a memorable event. The emotional states are there, you just have to learn how to harness them when needed. They can bring you up when you’re down. View them as your “shots of life!” Take a shot when you need it, and you’ll prevent yourself from falling down into a harmful state.

My Parting Words

I do not claim to have all of the answer.  In life we grow and we learn from our experiences. I hope that I have provided you with some food for thought. I thank you for taking the time to read this. If you feel that you have been helped in anyway, please pass it along to a friend who can benefit as well. I thank all of those who helped me and continue to assist me through my “personal waves.” You have left an indelible impression on me for which I am forever grateful. Thank you for believing in me, I will not disappoint you!

I give you my simple blessing that the “light at the end of the tunnel” should appear quickly and that you should be granted the strength to overcome your challenges, tribulations, and issues in a productive and positive manner. I assure you that you will laugh back at your “waves” ten years from now.

Keep things in perspective, don’t overburden yourself with thoughts like “I have got to get into this school or else I am finished,” “It’s this or I’m dead,” or “It’s now or never.” Remember: setbacks are part of the journey. We’ll be around for a while my friend, let’s enjoy and make the most of our time in this beautiful world!

Life’s great, Life’s enjoyable, and the sky is the limit.

Going up?
Your Fellow Jewish Teen

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