Close To Torah

Today’s Question: Dating Distractions

When looking for a marriage partner where do we find hinted in a verse of Tanach the three greatest distractions that can blind a person from choosing the correct mate?

Yesterday’s Question: Once a Year

Which four Brachos, blessings, are required to be recited only once a year?

Our Answer:

1. Birchas HaElanos on the new fruits in Nissan.

2. Al Biyur Chometz on Erev Pesach.

3. Lihadlik Ner Shel Yom HaKippurim upon lighting Candles before Yom Kippur.

4. Nachaim in Shmoneh Esrey on Tisha B’Av.

Today’s Question: Once a Year

Which four Brachos, blessings, are required to be recited only once a year?

Yesterday’s Question: Unique Sin

Which sin is punished by death but in some cases by doing it multiple times you will no longer be punishable by the Earthly Court?

Our Answer:

Molech- By giving all of your children to this specific Avoda Zara, Idolatry.

The Talmud (Sanhedrin 64b) tells us based on a verse that only one who gives one or some of his children to this Idolatry is punishable with death by stoning. However, one who gives all of his children is no longer punishable by the Earthly Court. For an explanation as to why this is see Maharal in Be’er HaGoleh (II: page 33).

This series title will probably have many different meanings to different people! We all would love to celebrate the festive and exciting day of Purim throughout every moment of our lives! So what is my objective here? I strive to take one verse or theme found in the stirring Sefer of Megillas Esther and show how beautiful and relevant its’ message is for us at all times and not just once a year!

Purim is a Yom Tov who’s very mention evokes many fond memories. Megillah reading, Haman banging, meshloach manos, and family celebrations! Indeed many people look forward to the arrival of this sacred holiday all year!

The purpose of this series is to illustrate how one can learn many practical lessons for how to serve Hashem and how to live a happy and productive Torah life from the verses of the Megillah and from the story of Purim itself. Every topic discussed will be one complete self-contained thought, exploring a relevant message which the Megillah brings out to us. Though a sensitive eye will discern the collective themes of the entire series!

It is my sincere hope that the reader will find the topics discussed to be both thought-provoking and inspirational. If I have encouraged one to look at the Megillah, and Torah in general, with a deeper appreciation towards gleaning its’ timeless lessons, then indeed I have fulfilled my wish.

May Hashem guide me to interpret His holy Torah correctly, and may the lessons contained here be shared properly from my heart and enter gently and smoothly into your heart. May we all merit to serve Hashem to our fullest and to celebrate Purim’s lessons all year round!

Why Learn This All From Esther?

“Very nice idea,” you’re thinking, “but why did you choose Megillas Esther as the place from which to extrapolate lessons for life, is not the entire Torah meant to be instructions for how to live?!”

Excellent question! A most appropriate place for us to begin. Please listen carefully as I explain the first idea which I would like to share. This perhaps could encapsulate the entire theme of this series and will certainly give one the ability to take all of the concepts and lessons contained within to their fullest degree.

You are fully correct in stating that all of Torah is our guide to life, so what makes Megillas Esther unique?

It’s So Easy!

In order to delve into the lessons of Torah, it is necessary for one to be familiar with the Torah topic which is being discussed. Before one can show the depth of a Torah verse or topic, he must first make sure that his listener is somewhat familiar with the actual matter being explored. Thus, Esther has a distinct advantage in this domain for two reasons. Firstly, its’ storyline and even actual text is well known by many Jews, young and old. Consequently, when discussing Esther, we have the lead in that we are able to jump right into the depth!

Secondly, the story itself is a semi-short, self contained narration, and a most thrilling description of events which are easy to follow and attention-grabbing! Thus, we have the ability here to develop the depth of many points.

Going Deeper-Microcosm of Lessons

In truth it is really much deeper than that. Chazal (Shabbos 88a) teach us that the Jew’s acceptance of the Torah at Sinai was not fully binding. They had been partially forced and therefore could claim that their acceptance was not totally from their own freewill. After the Purim miracle the Jews then made a commitment for themselves and for all future generations that they would now reaccepted the Torah, totally on their own accord and their acceptance could no longer be rescinded. Thus, we may suggest that Megillas Esther, which records the events that led up to their true acceptance of the Torah and contains hints to the actual reacceptance as well, is like the Torah itself which contains all of the practical lessons in the world. It is like the original Torah which they accepted at Sinai which has all of the eternal truths in it.

Additionally, our Holy Sefarim call the miracle of Purim, “Techiyas Hamasim, resurrection of the dead.” This means that the Jewish people’s fate was signed and sealed by Hashem to be annihilated. When they repented whole-heartedly Hashem then rescinded the decree and gave them life. This is an element of resurrection from a state of eminent death. Thus, the deliverance from the adversity was like a new start at life for the Jewish Nation. This ties into the above thought as well that Megillas Esther encapsulates all Torah ideas. Just as when a child is born, his body contains the miniature form of his future self, in a microcosmic way, so too the Megillah itself which discusses the amazing resurrection which the Jews underwent, contains a hint to all of the great lessons of the Chumash itself. This is hinted to by the rebirth of Klal Yisrael.

The lesson is that when one contemplates Torah he will find much depth and understanding that will guide and shape the way he thinks and lives!

Hence, I chose Purim and Megillas Esther as the starting point from which we can discuss and colorfully illustrate many of the important foundations of our faith. In each essay I will try to show an idea learned from Purim and how it can be lived everyday of the year!

I welcome you to this fun project and look forward to growing together with you!

Today’s Question: Unique Sin

Which sin is punished by death but in some cases by doing it multiple times you will no longer be punishable by the Earthly Court?

Yesterday’s Question: Moshe in the Torah

How many times does it say “Moshe” in the Torah (Chamishah Chumshey Torah)?

Our Answer:

The exact word Moshe without any prefixes appears in the Torah 614 times.
They asked R’ Chaim Kanievsky this question and he answered 614. They told him that he was wrong and off by two as they had found 616!
He laughed and asked them if they used a computer program to find their answer! “Indeed we did,” they admitted, “but how did Rebbi know?!”
His response is perhaps the most amazing part of the story: “Because there are 2 times that the Torah uses a word that is comprised of the same letters as “Moshe” but in fact has a totally different meaning! A computer cannot differentiate! The 2 places are Shimos 12:4, “Im yimat habayis mihiyos me’seh…”, and Devarim 15:2, “Shamot kol baal masheh yado…”!

Thus we have shown how one of our Gedoley HaDor is smarter than a computer! (In case you had any doubt!)

Today’s Question: Moshe in the Torah

How many times does it say “Moshe” in the Torah (Chamishah Chumshey Torah)?

Yesterday’s Question: The Great Song

How many songs are recorded in Perek Shira and what is the significance of this number?

Our Answer:

Perek Shira contains 85 songs. This number in Hebrew is Peh and means “open mouth.”

There are three general approaches as to how the delineated animals sing their songs. One mystical source states that the Administering Angel of each animal sings its’ appropriate verse before God. Another source says that the animals themselves sing their songs, in some way. And the third approach is that we humans, upon seeing and contemplating these animal’s qualities are inspirited to give these praises to Hashem!

A question is asked as to why man is not found in the list? One answer is that indeed this is not necessary for he is the one who is singing every one of the songs! Man’s job is to appreciate the beautiful world that Hashem created for him. Nature provides us with an appreciation and awe of Hashem’s beautiful and enjoyable designs. Thus the 85, Peh, songs emanate from the mouth of us humans who are inspired by Hashem’s greatness and thus open our mouths and sing to Him! In conclusion, the significance of the word Peh is that it connotes Song to Hashem!

Today’s Question: The Great Song

How many songs are recorded in Perek Shira and what is the significance of this number?

Yesterday’s Question: Chanukah in the Mishnah

How many times is Chanukah mentioned throughout Mishniyos?

Our Answer:

Chanukah is found 7 times in the Mishnah.
Bikurim 1:6
Rosh Hashanah 1:3
Ta’anis 2:10
Megillah 3:4
Megillah 3:6
Moed Kattan 3:9
Bava Kamah 6:6
Each time is not directly explaining what Chanukah is, but is rather a tangential point. Many answers have been given as to why only this Holiday is unique and does not occupy its’ own tractate like all of the other ones. (Shavuos and its’ relation to the tractate bearing its’ name is a separate discussion not for here.) Chanukah is only discussed briefly in the Gemara Shabbos (21a). One explanation is that since Chanukah represents and epitomizes the study and acceptance of Torah-shel-baal-peh, the Oral Law, it was deemed most appropriate not even to be directly written about in the Mishnah, the most primary text of the Oral Teachings. Rather it occupies a dominant position in the domain of our strong Oral Tradition!

Today’s Question: Chanukah in the Mishnah

How many times is Chanukah mentioned throughout Mishniyos?

Yesterday’s Question: Saved By a Wife

Who are the two men in Tanach that had their lives saved by a woman and afterwards married her?

Our Answer:

They were Moshe and Yosef.

There is much explanation needed here, but here it is in a nutshell!

The Midrash tells us that Moshe ran away from Egypt and eventually arrived at Yisro’s house. When Yisro heard that he had escaped from Pharaoh he threw Moshe into jail and intended to starve him to death. His daughter Tzippora snuck him food to spare his life. Eventually one day, many years later, Yisro found Moshe to be alive and Moshe then married Tzippora!

Yosef was accused of trying to have relations with the wife of Potifar. This was punishable by death. The Midrash tells us that a little girl present in the house spoke up and told innocently of what she had witnesses. Yosef had been the victim of attempted seduction and had  not instigated anything. Thus his life was spared.

Yalkut Shimoni states that this little girl was Asnas the daughter of Potifera (either biologically or by adoption, as the dispute goes) and the future wife of Yosef!

ותקרא שמו משה ותאמר כי מן המים משיתיהו (ב:י).

“…and she called his name Moshe stating, ‘on account that I drew him from the water’” (2:10).

When one analyses the name of Moshe Rabbeinu, there are many interesting insights and revelations that may be gleaned.

The Maharsha (end of Chullin) is bothered by the following question. If Basya was trying to call this child whom she had drawn out of the water with a name expressing that event, then his name should have been Nimsha or Masoy, the drawn out person. Why call him Moshe which translates as “he will draw others?”

He explains that Moshe’s name refers to the fact that in the future he would be involved in saving and bringing out the Jewish people from Egypt. Thus his name in fact does refer to drawing others out! However, this explanation seems to be contradicted by the very verse itself! It says that her justification for the name was because “she drew him out!?”

The Seforno ties everything together by adding vital clarification in how to read our verse. Basya called him Moshe because she recognized that Hashem had guided her to draw him out, in order that he should live on and dedicate his life to saving others. Divine Providence allowed him to be saved, to perform the special task of caring for others. Now everything is well understood!

This is the purpose of life and in this merit one can save one’s own life. We are here to help others and to focus on how we can make other people comfortable and happy. We strive to be sensitive and caring to other people’s needs.

R’ Yitzchok Volozhin (Introduction to Nefesh HaChaim) writes that his illustrious father R’ Chaim Volozhin constantly taught him to be sensitive to the pain and needs of others in order to help them. He would say, “this is what man is all about, he wasn’t created solely to focus on himself. You should dedicate yourself to assisting others to your full ability!”

There are many resources that we possess which we can share with others. Whether it’s time, assistance, support and encouragement, or just a smile or a good word, they are all unimaginably helpful.

The Binah LeItim explains the words in Avos, “If you have Torah knowledge which you have acquired, Al Tachzik Tova L’Aztmecha, (the simple meaning is “do not take credit for it”, for it is from Hashem) don’t keep this precious commodity to yourself, rather share it with others!”

This is the message of Moshe. The epitome of a Jew and of proper living is a focus on pulling others out of troubles and sadness and helping the world become a more pleasant and happy place to live.

There has been much written about the issue of Shidduchim or lack thereof over the last few years. Many have pointed their fingers at the statistical disproportion between the large number of girls and the shortage of boys. Many have talked about the difference between a “good” boy and a “good” girl. Others have blamed the age differential of when each gender begins dating. Others have claimed that not enough people are getting involved in actually suggesting matches. The list goes on, as we all painfully know. Whichever reason you see as the crux of the matter, there is one issue which I feel compelled to point out here because of its great importance and yet its virtual neglect from public discussion. Perhaps it is this issue which is truly preventing people from coming together. That is: Are the daters doing their part to act with proper care, consideration, and sensitivity towards others? Are they being taught and are they putting into practice how to be the “mentsh” that both girls and boys always state that they are looking for?

I hope that we will find ways to enhance the lives of our dear fellow people. Please let my words find merit on their own accord. If you feel that I have raised a good point, then I am happy; if you disagree with me, I respect your opinion as well. So here is an extrapolation of what is on my mind.

Our Nation is known as compassionate and caring toward others. However, unfortunately, many people are getting hurt daily in the process of finding their mates. Why is this so? Perhaps people realize the great responsibility and seriousness of choosing a spouse; they see the great lifetime ramifications that depend upon this decision and thus they become extra protective and cautious for their own safety. This may cause an inadvertent neglect in factoring how their words or actions could hurt other people. It is my hope to tap into people’s true sensitivity in order that we can realign our actions to be consistent with our Torah understanding of true Derech Eretz.

I am going to ask a series of questions. I understand that many of them can be answered, and some of them very well. Perhaps I am missing information, perhaps I am being too judgmental or extra sensitive, or perhaps you are not guilty of anything listed below. Indeed if some or all of my words do not apply to you then I salute you for being such a considerate person who thinks about others! Perhaps then I will be able to strengthen your resolve towards sensitivity. All I wish to show is the many areas of sensitivity and consideration which I think should be thought about more by our young men and women, and their parents, striving to build their home for Hashem. The questions are meant to stimulate the mind to point out the issues and to represent the numerous feelings and sentiments as they have been expressed to me by those that raised them.

Remember that before you can walk in someone else’s shoes, you must first take off your own! Try to see and feel the side of the victim, you will find this most enlightening. This way we will heighten our awareness and learn how to make this world a happy place for all. All of the stories are true to the best of my knowledge.

• Are we courteous and respectful as the Torah dictates from us?
• Why is it permissible to speak any lashon hara, slander, and justify it by calling it “research” or “I feel that this is relevant”? Why can we insult people or hurt their feelings so freely?
• Why do people blatantly lie?
• How do people know what the “dater” will find attractive, intelligent, lively or fun, that grants them the right to inform people not to go out with someone? Doesn’t everyone have different tastes? Do we not find ourselves surprised all the time by people’s ultimate selections?!
• Why do all of his/her friends have to know, and in great detail, about every single girl/boy they ever met or were suggested and “knew” that she/he wasn’t “good enough” for them?
• Why do people not return phone calls? Why do people make suggestions and not call back with the details that they promised? Why do people neglect to reply with an answer to suggestions that they were offered? Why do people not call politely to remind them?!
• Why do people dismiss a Shidduch suggestion with two lethal words- “THAT family?!” “THAT seminary/Yeshiva?!” “THAT Shul?!” “THAT city?!” or even “THAT Shadchan?!
• Why do boys complain that they couldn’t find the girls house, because no light was left on, and when they finally thought they found it, no sign or number was in sight to dispel their doubts?
• Why was a boy given a 45 minute unannounced impromptu test and psychoanalysis, by her parents, on everything he ever learned and the detailed recounting of his ultimate life goals, as he waited nervously before meeting the girl for the first time?
• Why was one boy who called a woman for information three days before Pesach told that he should call back after Yom Tov as she was too busy then, only to be called on Erev Pesach by that exact woman asking him for information about his friend for her daughter?!
• Why do boys complain that girl’s written profiles contain no vital updated information, wrong ages, wrong numbers and too vague descriptions? Why do girls complain that boys don’t even have a written profile? Couldn’t things be much better clarified by giving over a clear written document?
• Why can’t people write their actual date of birth, education, present occupation, family details, descriptive personality and haskafa of themselves and what they would appreciate in a spouse along with any other pertinent information which they know would be of relevance?
• How did a boy who dialed a reference number which he was given on a printed profile end up on the phone with the prospective girl’s mother?
• Why do official references say all the time, “I’m sorry, I don’t really know that person!” Why don’t people choose references who are articulate, patient and updated about their life goals? Why don’t references just call their friend directly to clarify the questions which they cannot answer? Why not give a large selection of references, with a short relationship description, so that there are many people to be called in case some of the references cannot be reached?
• Why do so many people refuse to speak or write a profile for themselves leaving it all to their parents? So many Shadchanim say that they only realized who the person was when they met or spoke to them in person to hear what they themselves were looking for and not what their parents wanted?!
• If one is mature enough to get married, are they not mature enough to speak to the Shadchan themselves between dates? Surely one can discuss what they will say with their mentor(s), but why play broken-telephone by sending messages through others?
• Why do people ask insensitive and irrelevant questions, such as, “list me off all of the prospect’s character faults!”?
• Why is it common practice for a boy or girl to wait a week or two or longer for an answer? Do people not know how much stress and anxiety this causes?
• Why do people turn exchanging Dor Yeshorim numbers into such an issue? Why can’t it just be done, and not mean anything, whenever one side asks for it, whether it’s before the dating begins or any time after? The entire process takes literally 2 minutes (try it and you’ll see)!? Why do people lose their Dor Yeshorim number or not have it available, thereby looking careless? The official paper is not needed, one can simply write down their nine digits and carry it in their wallet! Why isn’t it done as early as possible before two people become quickly emotionally involved?
• Why are people so tense, serious and uptight on dates, wouldn’t one represent their real self better if they just relaxed and opened up gradually instead of attacking? Why was a girl’s first words to a boy as they pulled out of her driveway, “so what are your life-goals?” and “tell me about your entire family?” What happened to formalities or “how was your trip here?”
• Why are people so quick to jump to conclusions, why don’t we talk and clarify things together?
• Why did a Shadchan dismiss a Rosh Yeshiva’s concerns about why a Shidduch fell through by simply stating, “I never would have set them up in the first place!” ? Are we God?
• Why was a person dumped after many long and serious dates without being talked to in person, or even over the phone, and even the Shadchan who called to inform them that they were not getting engaged had no explanation to provide?
• Why do so many boys and girls not have a trusted Rebbe or Mentor to speak to? How do they think that they can navigate the complex issues and dangers of dating on their own or by only speaking to friends their age with insufficient life experience to guide them properly?
• Why do people double-date?
• Why do so many people only focus on themselves and not try to make the other person comfortable? Even if one is not having a good time and recognizes that their date is not for them, can’t they still exercise common courtesy to another human being?
• Why are so many people so quick to dump? Relationships take time to develop and very often so does attraction!? Why are so many people so quick to get engaged? What’s the rush?
• Why do so many people not communicate their concerns and questions directly to the one they are dating? Isn’t that something important for a partnership?
• Why do so many girls only speak to their Rav, without even speaking to a Rebbetzin or trusted woman mentor who can help her with her feelings which her Rav does not specialize in and will advise her of this as well? Why do boys not ask their mothers and sisters for advice on how to understand the opposite gender?
• Why is so little appreciation given to the boys and especially to the girls who spend hundreds of dollars and hours traveling in just to date? If one is not comfortable expressing appreciation verbally, doesn’t he/she at least deserve more than one short date?!
• Why do people do a timed-date, how could you develop a relationship with someone by telling them that the clock is ticking, “the date must be from four to six”, without a sensitive justification?
• No one said you have to marry this person, but why should they walk away from dating you with much pain and questions on your middos?

I anxiously wait to hear your valuable feedback. I reiterate that I am not looking for answers to these questions, there is always an answer available! I am looking to heighten sensitivity awareness! I suggest that this turn into a group project of reawakening consideration and thoughtfulness! I know that everyone wants to be nice and respectful. I think that this is a great project to work on for those seeking to get married as well as those wishing to grow together in their marriages! If you agree with me, please write your support and recommendations for this proposition. Please add your observations and advice. If you disagree with me, please raise your objections and we will clarify this together. My intentions are not to offend anyone, and I apologize if I did, I only want to increase success and happiness in our Nation.

To sum it all up, Shidduchim is about finding the right person, at the right place, at right time, and in the right manner! May we all be zocheh to live with health, happiness and harmony!

Today’s Question: Saved By A Wife

Who are the two men in Tanach that had their lives saved by a woman and afterwards married her?

Yesterday’s Question: Ahava and Yirah

Why is it that with regards to the love of God it is called “Ahavas Hashem,” whereas in regards to the fear of God, it is called “Yiras Shemayim”? Why does one focus on Hashem Himself and the other refers to the Heavens?

Our Answer:

We began our new series with a discussion of “Raishis Chochma Yiras Hashem, the start of knowledge is the fear of Hashem” (Tehillim 111:10)!

The Talmud Yerushalmi (Berachos 67a) states that one should both love God and fear Him. It explains that one without the other is insufficient. The reason is that, “a lover does not come to hate, and a fearer does not come to kick!” The explanation is that if one has fear, this deters a relationship and closeness, thus one can end up hating, but with love, there is a true and lasting relationship. When one has love though this can cause one to be extremely comfortable and can break down the proper parameters of respect. Thus Chazal teach us to develop both a loving relationship with Hashem and a fearful respect as well.

This says the Maharal (Derech Chaim 1:4) is hinted by the exact difference of expression which our question took note of. Ahavas Hashem is the approach of love. This focuses on our closeness to God himself. Thus Ahavas Hashem! Yirah, fear, is the buffer-zone that maintains the respect and does not overstep the appropriate boundaries, thus it contains the word Shemayim, heaven, to show that He is still far and removed from us. Only with the development of both feelings can one be called a true Servant of God!