Close To Torah

There is a well known gemara in Yevamos 62b that discusses the passing of the students of the great and illustrious Rebbi Akiva. The gemara says that they did not show respect to each other. Such a tragic event to befall Bnai Yisroel. Not due to the wicked or the heretics, but to those who were the pillars of the world. The ones who would continue the transmission of the Torah. To do something so terrible that would warrant their death, there must be much more than appears.

We know that the time in which the students passed on was between Pesach and Shavuos. During that time we count the omer. We count seven weeks of seven days from the day following the first day of Pesach. On the night that would be the fiftieth we celebrate Shavuos.

During that time period we undergo a transformation. On Pesach we bring an offering of barley, which is primarily considered animal feed. On  Shavuos we bring the Shtai HaLechem an offering of bread, which is food that a human will consume. That is as if we ascend from a level of animal to that of human.

Every night of this seven week period we count another day toward the fiftieth day. Every night we take a stride closer to purifying ourselves of the beastly urges that we have. We make a berachah and count the day of the omer. We use our mouth to say the berachah and to count the days and weeks of the omer.

The Arizal says that the word Pesach can be looked at to be Peh Sach which may mean the mouth that speaks. The idea of this is that on Pesach there are many ideas of speech. We have a mitzvah to discuss the events of the exile from Egypt. We also have the Hallel that we recite on the night of Pesach. We also use our mouth to say the omer which begins following the first day of Pesach.

The mouth is very interesting as it is the same vessel that is used for consuming food as well as breathing as well as speech and finally as a place for intimacy. How can one place be used for all those things? A place that is used for eating, doing that which is one of the most animalistic actions as well as intimacy which may also be considered animalistic. Through the same place we say beautiful words of Torah and daven as well!

I think this is the lesson of Sefiras HaOmer. We are obligated to use our mouths for kedushah on the night of Pesach and then the next day the students of Rebbi Akiva were killed for their lack of respect to their fellow. It must be that during this time period we are held to a very high standard of kedushah. We are coming from a high of Pesach where we must embrace the levels of kedushah and ascend to prepare for Kabbalos HaTorah on Shavuos. Where there is great room for kedushah and growth there is also chas v’shalom room for the opposite. Wherever Hashem allows for tov there must be an allowance for rah as that is the nature of the world after the chayte of the Aitz HaDaas. It is for this reason that we must sanctify ourselves. We must learn from the students of Rebbi Akiva who tragically were cut short of their lives. We must embrace this time period as a time to use our words with kindness. To use our mouth for kedushah not just within our friends but internally as well. We must focus on our tefillos and on our learning. This is a time where we ascend to levles of kedushah that are free from animalistic urges. We must count the omer and look up above and take the next step. May we all be zocheh to use our mouths with care and truly use this time to rise above and make the potential the reality!

I would like to talk to you about making decisions. I am mostly talking to myself and trying to remind myself about how to act but I think that we both may benefit from this. I really just want to review some of these ideas some of which may be very appropriate for us and others not.

A bochur in Yeshiva once told me he wanted to leave the yeshiva dormitory and move out of the dormitory and into an apartment adjacent to the Yeshiva. He said that he wanted his privacy. I responded to him “How are you going to work on your ben adom l’chavayroh?”. I explained that “When you live by yourself you decide when the lights are on or off,  however when you live in a yeshiva dormitory you live among three other bochurim and you find yourself compromising on many issues. When you finally get married you aren’t just compromising on the lights and the temperature, you are even compromising on your whereabouts and the actions that you do.” The bochur nodded and seemingly understood the message I was conveying.

Living with people forces you to know how to give in to others and how to respect other peoples’ privacy. When two people get married, the “I” becomes a “We” and the concept of the individual becomes much smaller as the gaping hole between the two people fills in as they unite as one. It is integral that they make decisions together in the utmost way.

As Bnei Torah we have been trained to think and make an account of all of the conditions involved in our actions. You may say that non-jews also must do this. While that is true, there is no comparison between the two. We must think if everything we do is in line with what the Torah dictates of us. We must think if the current status is permitted or prohibited and if it may evolve into a Chillul Hashem rm”l.

A Ben Torah is not someone who takes decisions lightly. The Ben Torah is taught through deep analysis of the Talmud, as well as his constant introspection of how to decipher a situation and compare the pros and cons. He is taught how to analyze all the possibilities and make a proper comparison to gauge a similar scenario and expected outcome. That way, when the time comes and we are presented with a scenario, we are able to react instantly and act as we have in similar scenarios.

Making decisions can be very difficult if you are unable to properly see all of your possibilities and are unable to make a hierarchy of importance. Sometimes you must take into account the level of importance of the matter at hand, as opposed to another person’s perception of the same issue. A scenario may involve several people that will all be affected by your decision. There are times where your decisions affect others and then there are times that their decisions affects them. They may both be troublesome, however the more people that are affected, the greater the responsibility present.

Two married people have a very special bond that exists. Their pocket is the same, their residence is the same, and in many ways, they are the same. A marriage makes a bond greater than any other structure in the world. That is why a decision between husband and wife tends to be much more delicate than other decisions.

For example, look at a disagreement between husband and wife as a “civil war”, as opposed to a typical war scenario. When you have a civil war, your own nation is being harmed. G-d forbid a dispute between husband and wife should ever rise to the point of “war”, nonetheless, the comparison is valid. Each individual of a disagreement (“war”) is affected. The closeness that is shared between a husband and wife implies that when your wife is upset you are going to be upset.

A problem may not always be possible to resolve where everyone is happy with the decision made; that is of the utmost difficulty. Even an internal conflict that one person may be having may be impossible for him to perfectly deal with a situation. A couple must settle for peace and a solution. The most important part of a decision is that both parties agree to make the decision, regardless of whether it is what they both originally wanted. In essence, this is how they have decided to resolve the matter at hand and therefore it must be recognized as a decision agreed upon by both parties.

Making a decision isn’t about a number of votes or raises their voice higher. It is about “This is what we are going to do”. That means that the person who makes the decision must stand up for his decision, and so to speak…clean up the mess. That doesn’t mean that the other party should ever say “I told you so”, rather they should help as well.

When the person who decided to make the decisions sees it failing, it will eat them up inside. It could be they made the right decision and this is just how Hashem decided it should turn out. That is what it means to be responsible for your decisions. That doesn’t always mean that you are guaranteeing it’s success, as we have no such a guarantee for anything in life. Your responsibility is that you did everything to ensure that you made the right decision, not that the expected outcome will come to fruition. Rather, that you put in all of the time, energy, and thought into what you have decided.

You will be much happier with your marriage when you don’t point your finger at that person saying “Look, it didn’t work.”, but instead saying “Look, I know you made a thought out decision and this is how it turned out”. A mature individual will want the result, but will be satisfied with the proper actions done.

We are people who believe in the constant yad Hashem and never take something for granted. If we are given another day of life in this world, then it is because Hashem willed it to be so. If we are not rm”l, then it is because Hashem did not will it to be so. If a little boy is taking his daily walk and out of nowhere, he trips on a rock that had never been there before…it was not purely out of accident that such an event took place. Hashem willed for that little boy to fall.

When we try to do something, we must keep in mind that we can only do all that is in our capabilities. To determine all that is in our grasp, we must first know ourselves. Some people are nor simply very decisive, yet some are. If you know that you are not capable of making decisions…make the decision to not make a decision (until you feel confident that you can).

There are certain types of decisions that we make but are unable to do so under certain circumstances. If a bright light is glaring in your eye and a salesman asks you which color paint do you want…you cannot answer since the light is affecting your vision. We must know ourselves and know the things that inhibit our perception to make a proper decision. Being frustrated, tired, impatient, and upset are the more common traits that can lead to making a poor decision. Half the battle is knowing that one should not be making such a decision.

When communicating with another person regarding a decision, sometimes you may have to be blunt and say “I’m sorry, but I am unable to take part in this matter, I’m sorry”. One doesn’t always have to give an explanation, as sometimes less information is better. Even though communication is of the utmost importance, sometimes the point cannot be clearly explained or the person does not feel comfortable explaining their scenario. While it is clearly better to explain yourself, realize that sometimes the better outcome is by simply saying what you feel and that you wish not to further elaborate. Saying “I’m sorry if you respect me, you will realize that I am unable to make this decision right now”. Saying this is much better than getting worked up and creating something  into a large mess. It takes a lot of courage, but sometimes biting your lip and saying “I’m sorry, I cannot make this decision” is the correct decision.

To determine all that is in our grasp we must know ourselves. Some people are simply not very decisive, some are. Like a person who is intoxicated obviously they are not capable of driving. If you know that you are not capable of making decisions…make the decision to not make a decision until you feel confident that you can. There are certain types of decisions that we make but are unable to do so under certain circumstances. If a bright light is glaring in your eye and a salesman asks you which color painting do you want…you cannot answer since the light is affecting your vision. We must know ourselves and know the things that inhibit our perception to make a proper decision. Being frustrated, tired, impatient, upset are the more common traits that can lead to make a poor decision. Half of the battle is knowing that you should not being making such a decision. When communicating with another person regarding a decision sometimes you may have to be blunt and say “I’m sorry but I am unable to take part of this matter, I’m sorry”. You don’t have to always give an explanation sometimes less information is better. “I’m sorry if you respect me, you must realize that I am unable to make this decision right now”. Saying this is much better then getting worked up and making something that could have been resolved into a large mess. It takes a lot of courage but sometimes biting your lip and saying “I’m sorry I cannot make this decision” is the correct decision.

In conclusion, me all make decisions daily. Some are small and some are big. With some, we are able to see the outcomes instantly, yet others will have delayed results. We must be responsible for our actions and be confident when we make decisions. After a decision is made, it is futile to start looking back and questioning what you had done. If there is no way to fix it, then leave it. You can learn from your past experiences, but do not use them to cause pain to others.

Remember that your decisions can affect several parties and that sometimes you will have to live with your mistakes. Always know that your decisions are only half of the outcome, as you do not know if Hashem will allow for your decisions to come to fruition. Always use your past as a building block for your future and not a wound of your past. This is one of the great challenges of Life.

The name of an object or person describes its essence, and the names of the paryshiyos are no exclusion to this idea. Consequently, parshas Acharei-Mos is more than the beginning of the parshah, it is the nature of the parshah as well. The parshah begins with Hashem telling Moshe to warn his brother Aharon that he should not repeat the ways of his children who perished. Rashi explains that Rebbi Eliezar Ben Azariyah would compare this to a sick person who goes to a doctor. The doctor tells him that he should not eat cold food and that he should not lay in the mildew. Afterwards, another person comes to the doctor and the doctor says that he should not eat cold food and lay in the mildew so you do not die like the first person.  This additional explanation will inspire the second man more than the first person. Thus, Rashi concludes that this is why the Torah tells this to Aharon HaCohen; to teach him in a way that he will be compelled to listen. Let us take a step back for a moment and look back at Parshas Shemini where this incident occurred.

In Parshas Shemini, the karbanos are brought on the eighth day of of the inauguration of the recently erected Mishkan. The Torah then relates that two of the sons of Aharon HaCohen, Nuduv and Avihu brought their own ketores offering. They decided to do this independently  without any commandment to do so.  As a result, they were punished rather than praised for their actions. Chazal tell us Nuduv and Avihu sinned when they drank wine prior to entering the Beis HaMikdash. A question appears; why would the Torah punished the children of Aharon HaCohen when the prohibition of drinking wine in the Beis HaMikdash is written following their death? One possible explanation is that they were punshied for not being careful in something that they knew was wrong. You could ask, how could they have been careful…they didn’t know it was prohibited! The answer is that they should have known that it is inappropriate go into a place of kedushah in a state that is impure. Wine is something associated with temptation, and is often used improperly. For example, a nazir does not drink wine when he saw what happened to a sotah as a result of intoxication.  As with all aspects of our lives, it is our duty to take mundane items, like wine, and sanctify them through Torah and mitzvos.   Even within the 613 mitzvos the Torah still leaves room to take your life a step further.  And that step is  kedushah.

Although wine led Nuduv and Avihu to their sin, their actual sin was bringing a ketores without being commanded to do so. While they may have had great intentions of doing Hashem’s will, in reality they acted against it. What was so wrong about bringing something that wasn’t commanded? The language that the Torah used to describe their offering was “aish zaruh” or foreign fire. Their act was considered foreign  because it was not commanded. There is a great difference between acting in a way that is l’fnim mishuris hadin, or beyond the letter of the law. The Torah is complete and perfect in every way, therefore when one tries to add to it they will inevitably retract from it. In our Avodas Hashem, we must be careful to follow the actual obligations of the Torah and to not create our own interpretations.

Why must the great Kohen Gadol Aharon HaCohen need to have his own children die in order to teach him to obey the specific prohibition of entering the Kodesh Kadushim during the year!? We are talking about the brother of Moshe Rabbeinu, the greatest man to ever live.  Now we may begin to understand the question we initially raised, why must Aharon HaCohen be taught such a serious lesson, wouldn’t telling him be enough?

Parshas  Acharei Mos, literally “After Death”, refers to the children of Aharon HaCohen, and perhaps contains a deeper meaning.  When people reach the end of their life, they engage in the deepest personal reflection imaginable.  Their life flashes before their eyes, and they examine their lives, their experiences, their relationships.  Indeed, our own mortality drives us to examine ourselves on a regular basis, lest we reach the end of days with no concept of who we are or what our purpose is.  It is this idea, the idea of deep reflection, that we learn from Parshas Acharei Mos. Aharon learned through the death of his beloved, holy children, the importance of learning from, and moving on from experiences.  We can be told the most important lessons from the most important people, but nothing teaches like Experiences.   And what better day, the day designated by G-d himself, to reflect, learn, and move on from our experiences but Yom Hakippurim.  That is why we learn Acharei Mos for Yom Hakippurim.  That is why Aharon HaCohen, and Klal Yisroel, needed this lesson.

That is truly the pasuk in the other parshah of this week, Parshas Kedoshim. The pasuk tells us “קדשים תהיו.” While there is a discussion as to what the specific mitzvah is, the basic idea is to make one’s self holy. A famous explanation of קדשים תהיו is that one should  מקדש עצמו במותר לך meaning to sanctify ones-self by that which is permitted to him. As was touched upon earlier this should never lead to one’s own interpretations of the Torah, only expressing great care in their observance to mitzvos. This idea of becoming kadosh is a deeply rooted desire of Klal Yisroel and it must be expressed through mitzvos. Otherwise it will be used improperly as we saw by the sons of Aharon HaCohen. These parshiyos are usually found during the time of Sefiras HaOmer, between Pesach and Shavuos. This is a time where we grow in preparation for the acceptance of the Torah once again. This is the time where we also observe mourning for the students of the great Rebbi Akiva whom were said to not have shown proper respect to one another. The greatest thing that we can do in this time in preparation for the acceptance of the Torah, as we grow from being like an animal (as the offering on Pesach is from food of the animals) to being like a Man (as the offering on Shavuos is from the food of Man) we should take extra measures to treat our fellow brethren with proper respect. The greatest chumros should be found in our Ben Adom L’chavayro as that is where we tend to lack. We think that the acceptance of Torah is just through our learning and davenning, it is also through the way we treat others. We should use this time to purify and sanctify ourselves before Yom HaKippurim where we come before Hashem. We should all be zocheh to grow in all ways through this period of time in our lives.

בשלשה דברים אדם ניכר: בכוסו, ובכיסו, ובכעסו. ואמרי ליה אף בשחקו. (עירובין סה:)

“One’s true personality is measured through three things: how he deals with:

1-wine,

2-money,

3-anger.

Some add a forth item: laughter” (Eruvin 65b).

This Gemara is well known and quite cryptic. What is it trying to teach us? Much has been said on the matter. Let us illustrate the beauty of how this adage relates and defines the goal of our Purim celebration.

The Mishnah in Avos (4:21) tells us that there are three root destructive behaviors which prevent a person from enjoying this world. They are:

1- Ta’avah, lustful pursuit of pleasures,

2- Kinah, jealousy,

3- Kavod, desire for honor.

One who dedicates his life to these pursuits will never find happiness or fulfillment. On the flip side, one who is balanced and content in these three departments will live productively and happily. The real servant of Hashem trains himself to control his evil urges and to pursue truth and spirituality. The Torah teaches one how to do this.

There are three aspects of one’s life. They are:

1- His relationship with himself,

2- his relationship with others,

3- his relationship with Hashem.

Each has its own importance and specific dynamics.

The three destructive behaviors (pleasure, jealousy, honor) enumerated in Avos and the three personality yardsticks (wine, money, anger) quoted above, are tied together by the three departments of our relationships (self, others, God) in the following way:

1- One who drinks wine, very quickly loses himself. Thus, this corresponds to man’s intrapersonal relationship with himself, showing how he deals with his personal desires.

2- One’s wallet represents his business dealings. Thus, how honest he is in business shows where he is holding regarding his interpersonal relationships with others. Subsequently, if he is honest, he has controlled his jealousy.

3- One who is easily angered lacks proper belief in Hashem. The proof  is that he thinks that his actions are determining factors in his success and cannot bear to see anyone violate his plans! He demands honor and recognition for his own greatness. Hence, this anger corresponds to and gauges one’s relationship and connection to Hashem.  

These are the three departments, the full picture of a person’s life.

How do we then explain the opinion which adds a fourth component in sizing up a person (wine, wallet, anger, laughter) based upon his “laughter”? What does that signify, have we not already covered all of the categories?! The answer is that this is what brings everything together! Laughter represents enjoyment and fulfillment in what one does. Only one who lives life and develops himself in these three departments can truly find happiness. Only one who lives with Hashem and His Torah will achieve bliss and enjoyment.

In the time of Purim, the Jews were not serving Hashem properly, this prompted Hashem to send Haman to threaten to annihilate them. By repenting and coming back to Hashem this meant that they committed themselves to act properly in all three departments of their service. The result was their salvation and achievement of an exalted state of happiness in their Torah observance. They developed and honed their three relationship groups and even more so they achieved the fourth level of bliss and laughter from their application and commitment to Torah study. Thus, we see how these four elements (wine, wallet, anger, laughter) directly relate to Purim. Let’s examine this further.

We have four Mitzvos on Purim relating to these four things as well:

1- To overcome our lusts and desires, we have a party L’shem Shamayim, using food and drinks for the service of Hashem. In our minds we train ourselves to have self-control.

2- To overcome our selfish ego and jealousy, we open our wallets and perform Mishloach Manos, gifts to other people. This helps us articulate that the world does not revolve around us, rather we strive to relate and care for others as well.

3- Our pursuit of honor makes us reluctant to give charity to others, as we wish to remain rich and powerful ourselves. However, Hashem desires that we emulate His kindness and acknowledge that He runs the world. An angry person only gets enraged because he feels that he is the boss, and gets upset when someone violated his wishes. However, our job is to follow Hashem and realize that He makes the rules. To develop a deeper connection to Hashem, we emulate His kindness by giving Matanos La’Evyonim, donations to those in need of money!

4- The last and most important aspect of the day is the one which brings everything to life and provides the greatest laughter, happiness and fulfillment. This is learning and applying of Torah! Thus, hearing and internalizing the words of the holy Megillas Esther is the savoring of inspirational and joyous words of Torah! Now we have a complete understanding of our service on Purim and also our daily Avodas Hashem.

R’ Yissachar Rothschild zt”l explains that we eat Hamentashin to show what destroyed Haman. The translation of their unique name (Hamentashin) is: “Haman tash, the weakening of Haman.” They are three-sided to show that when the Jews regained control and fulfilled their roles in their three aspects of their service of Hashem (self, others, God), this destroyed their enemy!

Purim is a special day when Hashem answers our prayers. This is because when we totally dedicate ourselves to Him, this produces strong feelings of closeness and love. Who would not do anything for someone that they adored? May our true colors shine forth and help us utilize this amazing day to achieve closeness with Hashem and may He answer all of our requests speedily, for the best!

ואנשי קודש תהיון לי ובשר בשדה טריפה לא תאכלו לכלב תשליכון אותו (כב:ל).

“You should be a holy People; flesh in the field that has been torn you shall not eat, rather you shall throw it to the dog” (22:30).

At first glance, the verse seems to be simply commanding us to give our prohibited carcasses to a dog. However, as with all Torah content, when we look deeper, a beautiful message emerges!

The Da’as Zikaynim Mi’Ba’alay Ha’Tosfos sheds new depth and meaning to the message of our verse. He fills us in as to the background story behind what has happened here. What is the connection between torn animals and dogs?

When people own flocks of sheep they allow them to graze in the fields. However, the wolves lurk in the meadow waiting to devour their prey. In order to ward off these threatening attacks, the shepherds are accustomed to bring watchdogs which scare away the wolves and protect the flock.

What happened here in our verse is that some of the wolves penetrated the dogs and tore up a few sheep. Before havoc broke loose and the entire flock became a grand feast for the wolves, the situation was brought under control and the wolves were chased away. The shepherd is obviously very angry, for he has lost a few sheep in the process. Human nature dictates that he is now upset and furious with his watchdogs. He will point the blame and brunt of his frustrations upon the dogs! So the verse comes along and tells him at this point to do just the opposite, give the torn animal casualties to your watchdog as an expression of gratitude! The lesson being: don’t forget to acknowledge all the help that he has provided you with in the past and for the many other sheep which he has protected. Don’t let this small loss that befell you today, wipe away any trace of your gratitude which you should have for the past services he has done for you. Rather, give this dog the carcass and say thank you!

Thus the verse is now clear in its’ reading.

“Do not eat a torn animal,” that was lost during the wolf ambush which your watchdog couldn’t stop.

“Rather, give it (precisely) to your dog,” as gratitude for all of the past help which he has provided for you!

How often do we get annoyed at a friend’s bad habit or distasteful comment, forgetting about all the help and positive contributions which he provided us with in the past!

In our interaction with Hashem, the Mishnah (Berachos 54a) tells us “give thanks for the past, and pray for the future.” Before we call for Him to help us out of our troubles, we must first thank Him for all of the good He has provided us with in the past.

The message expressed is one, one should take care not to let the bad things make one forget all the good things. One who focuses on all of the good that others do for him will find the world a very pleasant and wonderful place to be! 

ותקרא שמו משה ותאמר כי מן המים משיתיהו (ב:י).

“…and she called his name Moshe stating, ‘on account that I drew him from the water’” (2:10).

When one analyses the name of Moshe Rabbeinu, there are many interesting insights and revelations that may be gleaned.

The Maharsha (end of Chullin) is bothered by the following question. If Basya was trying to call this child whom she had drawn out of the water with a name expressing that event, then his name should have been Nimsha or Masoy, the drawn out person. Why call him Moshe which translates as “he will draw others?”

He explains that Moshe’s name refers to the fact that in the future he would be involved in saving and bringing out the Jewish people from Egypt. Thus his name in fact does refer to drawing others out! However, this explanation seems to be contradicted by the very verse itself! It says that her justification for the name was because “she drew him out!?”

The Seforno ties everything together by adding vital clarification in how to read our verse. Basya called him Moshe because she recognized that Hashem had guided her to draw him out, in order that he should live on and dedicate his life to saving others. Divine Providence allowed him to be saved, to perform the special task of caring for others. Now everything is well understood!

This is the purpose of life and in this merit one can save one’s own life. We are here to help others and to focus on how we can make other people comfortable and happy. We strive to be sensitive and caring to other people’s needs.

R’ Yitzchok Volozhin (Introduction to Nefesh HaChaim) writes that his illustrious father R’ Chaim Volozhin constantly taught him to be sensitive to the pain and needs of others in order to help them. He would say, “this is what man is all about, he wasn’t created solely to focus on himself. You should dedicate yourself to assisting others to your full ability!”

There are many resources that we possess which we can share with others. Whether it’s time, assistance, support and encouragement, or just a smile or a good word, they are all unimaginably helpful.

The Binah LeItim explains the words in Avos, “If you have Torah knowledge which you have acquired, Al Tachzik Tova L’Aztmecha, (the simple meaning is “do not take credit for it”, for it is from Hashem) don’t keep this precious commodity to yourself, rather share it with others!”

This is the message of Moshe. The epitome of a Jew and of proper living is a focus on pulling others out of troubles and sadness and helping the world become a more pleasant and happy place to live.

There has been much written about the issue of Shidduchim or lack thereof over the last few years. Many have pointed their fingers at the statistical disproportion between the large number of girls and the shortage of boys. Many have talked about the difference between a “good” boy and a “good” girl. Others have blamed the age differential of when each gender begins dating. Others have claimed that not enough people are getting involved in actually suggesting matches. The list goes on, as we all painfully know. Whichever reason you see as the crux of the matter, there is one issue which I feel compelled to point out here because of its great importance and yet its virtual neglect from public discussion. Perhaps it is this issue which is truly preventing people from coming together. That is: Are the daters doing their part to act with proper care, consideration, and sensitivity towards others? Are they being taught and are they putting into practice how to be the “mentsh” that both girls and boys always state that they are looking for?

I hope that we will find ways to enhance the lives of our dear fellow people. Please let my words find merit on their own accord. If you feel that I have raised a good point, then I am happy; if you disagree with me, I respect your opinion as well. So here is an extrapolation of what is on my mind.

Our Nation is known as compassionate and caring toward others. However, unfortunately, many people are getting hurt daily in the process of finding their mates. Why is this so? Perhaps people realize the great responsibility and seriousness of choosing a spouse; they see the great lifetime ramifications that depend upon this decision and thus they become extra protective and cautious for their own safety. This may cause an inadvertent neglect in factoring how their words or actions could hurt other people. It is my hope to tap into people’s true sensitivity in order that we can realign our actions to be consistent with our Torah understanding of true Derech Eretz.

I am going to ask a series of questions. I understand that many of them can be answered, and some of them very well. Perhaps I am missing information, perhaps I am being too judgmental or extra sensitive, or perhaps you are not guilty of anything listed below. Indeed if some or all of my words do not apply to you then I salute you for being such a considerate person who thinks about others! Perhaps then I will be able to strengthen your resolve towards sensitivity. All I wish to show is the many areas of sensitivity and consideration which I think should be thought about more by our young men and women, and their parents, striving to build their home for Hashem. The questions are meant to stimulate the mind to point out the issues and to represent the numerous feelings and sentiments as they have been expressed to me by those that raised them.

Remember that before you can walk in someone else’s shoes, you must first take off your own! Try to see and feel the side of the victim, you will find this most enlightening. This way we will heighten our awareness and learn how to make this world a happy place for all. All of the stories are true to the best of my knowledge.

• Are we courteous and respectful as the Torah dictates from us?
• Why is it permissible to speak any lashon hara, slander, and justify it by calling it “research” or “I feel that this is relevant”? Why can we insult people or hurt their feelings so freely?
• Why do people blatantly lie?
• How do people know what the “dater” will find attractive, intelligent, lively or fun, that grants them the right to inform people not to go out with someone? Doesn’t everyone have different tastes? Do we not find ourselves surprised all the time by people’s ultimate selections?!
• Why do all of his/her friends have to know, and in great detail, about every single girl/boy they ever met or were suggested and “knew” that she/he wasn’t “good enough” for them?
• Why do people not return phone calls? Why do people make suggestions and not call back with the details that they promised? Why do people neglect to reply with an answer to suggestions that they were offered? Why do people not call politely to remind them?!
• Why do people dismiss a Shidduch suggestion with two lethal words- “THAT family?!” “THAT seminary/Yeshiva?!” “THAT Shul?!” “THAT city?!” or even “THAT Shadchan?!
• Why do boys complain that they couldn’t find the girls house, because no light was left on, and when they finally thought they found it, no sign or number was in sight to dispel their doubts?
• Why was a boy given a 45 minute unannounced impromptu test and psychoanalysis, by her parents, on everything he ever learned and the detailed recounting of his ultimate life goals, as he waited nervously before meeting the girl for the first time?
• Why was one boy who called a woman for information three days before Pesach told that he should call back after Yom Tov as she was too busy then, only to be called on Erev Pesach by that exact woman asking him for information about his friend for her daughter?!
• Why do boys complain that girl’s written profiles contain no vital updated information, wrong ages, wrong numbers and too vague descriptions? Why do girls complain that boys don’t even have a written profile? Couldn’t things be much better clarified by giving over a clear written document?
• Why can’t people write their actual date of birth, education, present occupation, family details, descriptive personality and haskafa of themselves and what they would appreciate in a spouse along with any other pertinent information which they know would be of relevance?
• How did a boy who dialed a reference number which he was given on a printed profile end up on the phone with the prospective girl’s mother?
• Why do official references say all the time, “I’m sorry, I don’t really know that person!” Why don’t people choose references who are articulate, patient and updated about their life goals? Why don’t references just call their friend directly to clarify the questions which they cannot answer? Why not give a large selection of references, with a short relationship description, so that there are many people to be called in case some of the references cannot be reached?
• Why do so many people refuse to speak or write a profile for themselves leaving it all to their parents? So many Shadchanim say that they only realized who the person was when they met or spoke to them in person to hear what they themselves were looking for and not what their parents wanted?!
• If one is mature enough to get married, are they not mature enough to speak to the Shadchan themselves between dates? Surely one can discuss what they will say with their mentor(s), but why play broken-telephone by sending messages through others?
• Why do people ask insensitive and irrelevant questions, such as, “list me off all of the prospect’s character faults!”?
• Why is it common practice for a boy or girl to wait a week or two or longer for an answer? Do people not know how much stress and anxiety this causes?
• Why do people turn exchanging Dor Yeshorim numbers into such an issue? Why can’t it just be done, and not mean anything, whenever one side asks for it, whether it’s before the dating begins or any time after? The entire process takes literally 2 minutes (try it and you’ll see)!? Why do people lose their Dor Yeshorim number or not have it available, thereby looking careless? The official paper is not needed, one can simply write down their nine digits and carry it in their wallet! Why isn’t it done as early as possible before two people become quickly emotionally involved?
• Why are people so tense, serious and uptight on dates, wouldn’t one represent their real self better if they just relaxed and opened up gradually instead of attacking? Why was a girl’s first words to a boy as they pulled out of her driveway, “so what are your life-goals?” and “tell me about your entire family?” What happened to formalities or “how was your trip here?”
• Why are people so quick to jump to conclusions, why don’t we talk and clarify things together?
• Why did a Shadchan dismiss a Rosh Yeshiva’s concerns about why a Shidduch fell through by simply stating, “I never would have set them up in the first place!” ? Are we God?
• Why was a person dumped after many long and serious dates without being talked to in person, or even over the phone, and even the Shadchan who called to inform them that they were not getting engaged had no explanation to provide?
• Why do so many boys and girls not have a trusted Rebbe or Mentor to speak to? How do they think that they can navigate the complex issues and dangers of dating on their own or by only speaking to friends their age with insufficient life experience to guide them properly?
• Why do people double-date?
• Why do so many people only focus on themselves and not try to make the other person comfortable? Even if one is not having a good time and recognizes that their date is not for them, can’t they still exercise common courtesy to another human being?
• Why are so many people so quick to dump? Relationships take time to develop and very often so does attraction!? Why are so many people so quick to get engaged? What’s the rush?
• Why do so many people not communicate their concerns and questions directly to the one they are dating? Isn’t that something important for a partnership?
• Why do so many girls only speak to their Rav, without even speaking to a Rebbetzin or trusted woman mentor who can help her with her feelings which her Rav does not specialize in and will advise her of this as well? Why do boys not ask their mothers and sisters for advice on how to understand the opposite gender?
• Why is so little appreciation given to the boys and especially to the girls who spend hundreds of dollars and hours traveling in just to date? If one is not comfortable expressing appreciation verbally, doesn’t he/she at least deserve more than one short date?!
• Why do people do a timed-date, how could you develop a relationship with someone by telling them that the clock is ticking, “the date must be from four to six”, without a sensitive justification?
• No one said you have to marry this person, but why should they walk away from dating you with much pain and questions on your middos?

I anxiously wait to hear your valuable feedback. I reiterate that I am not looking for answers to these questions, there is always an answer available! I am looking to heighten sensitivity awareness! I suggest that this turn into a group project of reawakening consideration and thoughtfulness! I know that everyone wants to be nice and respectful. I think that this is a great project to work on for those seeking to get married as well as those wishing to grow together in their marriages! If you agree with me, please write your support and recommendations for this proposition. Please add your observations and advice. If you disagree with me, please raise your objections and we will clarify this together. My intentions are not to offend anyone, and I apologize if I did, I only want to increase success and happiness in our Nation.

To sum it all up, Shidduchim is about finding the right person, at the right place, at right time, and in the right manner! May we all be zocheh to live with health, happiness and harmony!

The Lion is deemed the King of its environment as it is a predator and not preyed upon. Wearing its mane, the Lion roams about in packs at the top of its food chain while depending upon the other animals for sustenance. A Lion may seem like a King however there is one drastic difference the Lion’s niche is innate; no thirst for power leads to this royal stature, rather the natural instincts that it was born with. A Human King may wear a crown and often born into royalty but the entire makeup of his kingship differs. The Lion is born a King and lives according to his instincts; however the King lives according to his instincts to live like a King. This facile difference is the major gap between Mankind and Beast.

Desire is the yearning that fuels a Human as opposed to a Beast. A Beast only has desires of bodily needs; the essential factors that it survives upon are hunted for and once acquired the Beast ceases. In some rare cases a Beast will take more than it needs; in such a scenario that Beast will take until it has reason not to which is based upon its other instincts such as stomach pain from gluttony. A Beast is born with a desire to have relations, it may not have any understanding that a offspring will result from it rather just as it is hungry it will eat so to by procreation. Only the Human has desires that extend past its bodily needs. A Human will die if it does not appease that which its body needs, however Man has the ability to overturn his desires and refrain from them. This ability is the force that drives Man to whatever undertaking it desires; this being the premise to Man and the lust for his crown.

Man and his desire coupled with a society will shape that which it needs to the extent that it may precede his true necessities. This corresponds with the idea that Man is able to actively destroy himself; it is obvious that his desires are unique within a scope of great variance there may be some constant factors. This consistency is often shaped by society rather more specifically shaped according to his ambitions are. This concept may be represented by the King’s Crown.

The realization that society is the greatest influence on ones desires is not absolute. If that is true theoretically if a Man were secluded from birth in a habitat in which he could self-sustain himself. It is likely that he would live a life like a Beast. If he never knew of any means of communication, or any other Humans he would probably be content with what he had. He would entertain himself and live according to the true innate instincts. One is not able to comprehend that which he is not introduced to. In this case this Man would never desire to eat a food that he has not been introduced to, rather he may stumble upon the idea that there are other foods and would want to eat them. However, if he was secluded on an Island he has never seen anything past it so he may desire to know what else exists but that is all. Unless he knows that something exists he cannot yearn for it. The exception to that may be companionship. It is probable that the desire of the opposite gender is an innate desire. The composition of that individual; physical, emotional and other aspects of a person are greatly subjective and therefore are not completely innate. Though since Man knows he exists, just like he can long for the knowledge of other foods he may long for the existence of the Humans. The desire to reproduce and the lack of knowledge of any other Human would most likely leave him depressed and eventually suicidal. The other innate desires he is capable of suppressing but the constant seeking is enough to destroy someone.

This desire of reproduction is related to the desire to communicate. Had there been to urge to reproduce an Animal would not do so. The world was created in such a way that Man and Beast needs to reproduce which is obvious. The less obvious idea is the need to communicate. There is no doubt that the idea of reproduction is not just a means of ensuring the populous rather Mans personal sense of internal growth. The converse of the feeling of lacking is not full rather complete. The feeling of lacking is that there is a longing for something that one cannot explain and everything becomes numb to suppress this longing. The relationship of two counterparts is a physical and mental need that is innate. The presence of that other person provides the missing piece to the puzzle of his longing. In reality this relationship is a means of growing attached both physically and mentally and becoming dependent upon each other. Over time the outcome is that the two fuse to a complete entity that complements each other.

On the metaphysical level the two people together provide corresponding personality traits that are befitting to the others development in maturing each other together. In addition to the innate desires Man is born with, he is also born with a personality. A personality is an obscure word that describes the pitch of ones means of communicating and co-existing with others. If our theoretical man on the island were to stub his toe he would feel pain and may cry and scream but through time he will stop as the nerves in his toe stop expressing to the nervous system that there is pain. If he constantly feels this pain like constantly being pricked with a sharp object he will at first not be able to bear the pain but eventually he can overcome the pain. He will continue to feel the pain but his tolerance to how much pain will bother him will decrease. The same is true by one’s personality. If a person have a roaring temper but received a prick from a sharp object he could either learn to deal with the pain or control his temper. This pricking is a resultant of companionship for the most part but also by general society. In order to coexist with other either one is pricked and learns to control himself or learns to tolerate the pricking.

This second option where a person would cease to control himself even if he is pressured to stop is the concept of argument. An argument is when the opposing sides refuse to agree. Peace is not the absence of different sides rather the ability to tolerate the other sides. That may mean adjusting aspects on each of the opposing sides and maybe even seceding. The desire that was mentioned earlier is what causes disharmony. When one desires something that cannot coexist with the other that desire has the power to occupy ones life leaving everything else behind.

The power that society can have is to dictate the guidelines of what is desired. The need longing to coexist with other will fuel the person to want to meet to those guidelines.

The sole purpose of our life is Kiddush Hashem¹ⁱ. This understanding is reflected on the attitude that we are commanded to live our lives as Ovday Hashemⁱⁱ. The only way to achieve Kiddush Hashem is in accordance with the servitude of the carrying out of Mitzvosⁱⁱⁱ. The Almighty gave Moshe Rabbaynu^iv the Torah with an immutable tradition from Sinai until today which has enabled generations of Jews to function and worship according to the Torah. while they are obligated in several ways to learn and guard the Torah in order to follow it². It is the l’shmor v’laasos^3v of the Mitzvos that are written by the obligation of Kiddush Hashem⁴ and are the foundation of Torah. The Sages teach us that there are three basic aspects of the learning of Torah⁵: its learning alone, its teach to others and its carrying out. Truly the Torah makes an impression on all that live by its teachings, additionally the Torah provides the framework that one can grow within his own spiritual growth as well as interaction with others. The growth in Ruuchnius^vi is limitless however the time to grow is merely a Lifetime.

If one looks at the early obligations of a male this seems apparent. A child is ready for chinuch^vii at the time when he can recite the verse of Torah צוה לנו משה. After that we learn⁶ that he should begin learning Chumash^viii at the age of Five, learn Mishnayos^ix at the age of Ten, at the age of Thirteen he is obligated on a Torah level to perform Mitzvos, and begin learning תלמוד at the age of Fifteen, and the Mishnah goes on to state more specifics. From the time of Twenty and onward, he is liable to punishment as well as serving in the army. Thus proving that with age and progression comes with the ability to adhere closer to the Torah⁷. We believe that through age one is closer to Torah. The most kavod is given to the oldest of a group, as this is an apparent halachah in all aspects of the Torah. We know that every year we are expected to do ודוי and teshuvah. This is truly the way that we improve in terms of our adherence to Mitzvos. We are required to reflect our past year and decide what factors we must improve upon. The idea of teshuvah can truly be tied in with the aforementioned premise of life. There is an obligation of walking in the way of the Almighty this is interpreted to teach us to follow the virtues of the Almighty in all ways. Thus we live our lives in the mannerisms of the Almighty with the details of the Torah, all for the eventual goal of providing Kiddush Hashem.

As we learn, the reason for קרבנות is not because the Almighty needs them, rather to fulfill our desire to give back. We learn from the sages that there is no end to the praises of the Almighty that is why in the עמידה we limit the amount of adjectives describing the virtues of the Almighty to הנורא,הגדול והגיבור a question is asked as to why we don’t extrapolate on the virtues of the Almighty the simple answer is because there is no amount of words to describe the endlessness, so we limit it to the ones from the the Anshei Kneses HaGadol. We see that in all natures of the Torah, the attitude is aimed towards preserving the sacredness of the Torah. Above all, the strive for perfection like the Almighty is based off the fact that we are בצלם אלקים. This gives us the need to better ourselves in all ways possible.

We know that in terms of the Mitzvos we are obliged to fulfill; can be viewed in many different means of organization. One method is the relationship of the commandment and those who follow it. We know that there are two and some say three relationships. Between man and the Almighty which include all commandments in the long run, but on a simple level contain all aspects of Mitzvos where the one obligated has no need for interaction with anyone else. As opposed to commandments between man and his fellow. This is simply the way one interacts with his fellow. However, on a deeper level this would also be included in the interaction with the Almighty as well since all things affect kavod shaim shemayim. The last category is between man and himself. This is the inner struggles that one faces in terms of his adherence to the commandments. In reality, all the categories of these commandments are truly the same, as everything interacts together. The end result is everything one does will effect the other type of commandment.

Taking what has been said in account, as time progresses man is expected to achieve a great deal more adherence to the commandments and becoming closer and closer to perfection. If everyone took all that was said in account at every moment of the day that they were permitted to, the attitude towards life would be nothing other then being a Servant of Hashem. What happens? Why isn’t our adherence to the commandments, not like this? With this known, why do we have mishaps with others? The answer is simple. We are not perfect, only given the ability and directions to become so. With outside influences, we become distracted from what is important, and we begin to loss our grasp on what is truly the רצון השם. There are two basic types of people in this sense. One being the people whom make mistakes, realize them, and take necessary steps towards safeguarding them, these are the people that live Torahdik lives. The other type of person in this sense, is the one whom places emphasis in the wrong areas of his life. He conceals himself from the truth because he is so involved in other aspects of this world, that the truly important aspects of life are not given the attention they deserve. It is possible that one may be both people that is most prevalent among many people of our time. These are the people whom have dwindled down to the various sects of Judaism whom lack adherence to the true laws of the Torah. They place emphasis in secondary goals of their lives, as opposed to focusing on the truth. May the Almighty have רחמנות on these people and give them a the ability to come back to observance of the Torah full heartily.

The tendency to do sins, even for the first type of people is still possible. The truth is, there would never be an idea of teshuvah had there not been sin⁸. The sin is the beginning of what we do in order to better ourselves in our ever longing goal towards perfection⁹.

The obligation of אהבת ישראל is a basis for the overlying concept of the way we treat others. Within our lives, we are required to have a good standing relationship with the other individuals that inhabit this world. It is prohibited to hate another Jew to the extent that to even think of doing a prohibited act between a fellow is prohibited. The only difficulty is that people differ from one and another. One is shy, one is friendly, one is quiet the other is loud, one is more intelligent, one is more simple. The fact is that the Almighty created a very vast and wide range of people. Thus making the obligation of living peacefully with your fellow even more difficult.

The תלמוד is written with the utmost precision in terms of words, their order, and even their spelling. A person can deeply analyze a piece of תלמוד and end up with a certain understanding of it. There are certain guidelines he can follow within that learning that are consistent within all of תלמוד the problem is, people are not. People have הרגשה. People have experiences and other factors of life which cause them to live and act in a certain respect. Their actions, and thoughts don’t always seem logical, and sometime simply aren’t. However, there is an obligation to treat every Jew (there are some exceptions)¹⁰ with respect, kindness, and follow the virtues of the Almighty in doing so. Since the beginning of time Man has had difficulty in interacting with one another. The Torah doesn’t wait long to show deception, lying, murder, as well as many of the other common wrong doings of man to his fellow. Even within following the letter of the law, is not so simple in terms of people. There is no real שלחן ערוך for you and your fellow. That is because one must treat every person differently in terms of how to communicate without upsetting his or her well being.

The first step in understanding your fellow is to begin to understand yourself. Your own tendencies, habits, mannerisms, and the like. Knowing how you bother others, as well as what others like about you are both integral. Knowing all the sides of your personality and your means of communication can allow you to know what factors to look for in others. So too, if you see things that others do that do not coexist with your well being, make sure to prevent yourself from doing the same.

To elaborate on this concept one should consult the great Sifrai Mussar on this subject of knowing oneself, but perhaps we can list a few ideas. Understanding yourself is not the solution rather the beginning to a solution. Since each person is different from his fellow knowing yourself won’t always protect another’s emotions to a scenario because we cannot necessarily relate to their past and present. This of course requires everyone to at least expect the fellow to react the way you would, though do not be shocked to find that itself may not be true. It is noteworthy to realize that the attribute of being stubborn and not open to the allowance for change that make first impressions so important. A constant thought should always run through your mind that even one word or one gesture said or done can shift another’s impression of you. Your care about what others think of you is something to be discussed later, as it requires some explanation. The chezkas or a mechanic status that is assumed based off of prior reasoning is sometimes much harder to break than it should be. Misconceptions of others can be placed without not words but just by the clothing worn or the people associated with, and that is a reality regardless of its justification. Countless times the Sages teach us that one must assume that a person of generally proper actions who for sure seen doing something that was less than proper he is assumed to have done teshuvah and only if he repeats this action countlessly can you have any question in him. In such a situation you are still always never sure, even if you think you are sure.

To dan l’kaf zchus is the obligation, that is two-fold. Perhaps one may think that means you have to be creative and think of a hypothetical scenario that would make it possible that what you saw is actually permissible. Perhaps, we can say its nothing more than there can always be an option that you didn’t think of. It is only the haughtiness of a person that can lead him to think that there is no other option. Furthermore even if there is no other option there is still the fact that you don’t know the circumstances that led to that action. If that is true, how is it that one can ever have an obligation of Tochachah?

The Torah obligation of giving Tochachah¹¹ is not as simple as one may think. The idea being that the other person ends up feeling good about themselves after the matter is brought to their attention. Going back to the two types of people that exist, the latter would be someone whom would take great offense in such a implication. People whom have misguided lives, will also take a helping hand the wrong way. If your entire goal for living is to perfect yourself, you want nothing more than someone else to help you do so. However if that is not your true intention, you will feel criticized and will be offended. Offense is not something virtuous. Feelings of guilt, and insult have no purpose. Even in terms of ones observance in being a servant of the Almighty guilt is not helpful. Guilt is when the other person or entity wanted the thing done, or not done. The Almighty doesn’t need your Mitzvos, he is providing a deed to us, one that is of unimaginable greatness. Instead of just handing us the World to Come, we are given the ability to work for it. To show how must be appreciate the chance. We are given the ability to live a life of fulfillment and beauty by have this world in order to have even greater appreciation for the next world. If someone is insulted that means that they think they matter. They have no right being insulted. Every person should think and know that the Almighty would have created the world just for them. That is the truth. However, within that the world is inhabited by all of the people and creatures here. When someone is insulted they are putting themselves at a level where they have an attitude of puzzlement how one could say or do such a thing. This is a sign of being haughty, and that is for sure not within the goals of the Torah. When a fellow does a wrong doing to you, it should be taken with a great deal of quietness. As it is very easy for one sin to become several. If one reacts the way the Torah says, with dignity, and respect for the the Torah, as well as observance of its laws, only good can come from that. It is the attitude that you give off in a poor situation, that people can see how you truly are. They will imagine how virtuous the Almighty is if this person is merely trying to live along the same path. Therefore we know that there is a commandment of providing Holiness to Hashem.

The difficulty is that most people have difficulty in admitting such an obligation exists. In doing so, they are forcing themselves to change the very nature of their lives. Their lives are no longer “theirs”, rather only a tool in which they have to utilize in order to achieve the ultimate goal of perfecting oneself like the Almighty. However the Evil Inclination strengthens our desires to sway from this goal. In all mannerisms, we are given some means of perversion from the path in which we truly must take. In the end, the decision is our, though there only one true path the desire of Hashem. Once one has truly gotten to the point in which he is going to devote to his live to serving Hashem, he must now be able to accurately distinguish between that which is the desire of Hashem, and that which is really the Evil Inclination. There is no exact rule to determine such an undertaking, had there been surely more people would have control of their actions, rather more people would take control of their actions. However that is not the case, and people must fend for themselves in determining the more precise means of analysis in order to truly determine how each and every one of the actions a person makes may effect his life. This effect can vary from a nearly insignificant means to something of great matters. The truth of the matter is that it is not within our grasp of this world to be able to know the impact of our actions. Had someone been given the option to see what his actions caused, logically he would modify his actions. If a child burns his mouth on a hot piece of food, he puts the next piece in his mouth and sure enough the same burning sensation occurs. Now, if the child is distracted for a short period of time, giving the food time to cool off. If he tries putting the food in his mouth, he is satisfied with the fact that did not get burned. The first two times he felt the pain he received, but since he was able to eat the third piece, he will most likely forget that the first two times ever occurred. He could reason that since now he didn’t get burned, for some reason the other times I was burned, but now…He could very well rationalize his emotions in to a theory, or he could take himself out of the situation and analyze all the events that occurs and his perception of them at the time in reflection to his perception of them now. With little thought the factor of time seemingly is the cause for this phenomenon. It wasn’t that the food was never hot, rather the heat diminished as the time elapsed. Logically speaking the child would be more cautious and given the same scenario once he would determine the food is hot, he would wait until it cools down. However, chances are the child either doesn’t remember his previous incident, or has yet to learn from it. This analogy is obvious to any scenario when it comes to sin. The only difference is that a child burns himself is an immediate and undeniable sensation. Kares, is the exact opposite. The punishment one receives for forcibly transgressing a biblical prohibition of the desecration of Shabbos is Kares. Kares is simply taking years off of your life and separating oneself from the Almighty. Kares in all aspects is the opposite of how we are supposed to live our lives; a long life getting close to the Almighty. We see that there is punishment in this world as well as punishment in the next world. The people whom truly lack any fear of the Almighty cares neither about this world or the next world.

Kares is placed on as the first Mishnah in Kresos says that there are thirty-nine cases that have a punishment of Kares. Most of these cases deal directly with chokim m’shemayim. These are for the most part dinim in which the simple outlook of them doesn’t necessarily seem to make sense. This is what is truly a test of faith and the ability to push oneself to do the will of the Almighty full heartily. There are two positive commandments in which when neglected for a certain duration will result in a punishment of Kares. They are Milah, and Karbon Pesach.

A note worthy observation, דברים שבבל אינו דברים except when it comes to אונס. People whom have pondered the purpose, the meaning, and true essence of life do not necessarily practice it. There is a theorem that exists in Mathematics that can provide a way to look at such a thought. Let’s say there is a person standing in a room with a door. In order for him to reach that door he must walk the length of the distance between the place in which he stands and his goal. However, if you take that numerical distance, and halve it you are left with a number that will infinitely extend towards zero, though never touching it. The understanding is that in mathematics there is an infinite amount of space in between you and the door, however we of course know that you are capable of reaching that door as long as you walk the distance. Going back to our original case, the person whom wants to reason and rationalize he will never reach his goal. However, if one proclaims the truth and walks the distance he must he will get to the door. Things that are matters of the heart, meaning thoughts aren’t really thoughts except for matters in which it is in accidental occurrences.

People do not like being criticized. If the person is a ירא שמאים the person will eventually realize the true benefit of the critiziee’s input.

A persons convictions are so strange that he himself isn’t truly aware of them. חז”ל teaches us that we must have constant דעת that the Almighty is as the verse says אנכי יי. However, if one could do that and still do a sin something is very wrong within him. Therefore one must conclude that either they do not have constant דעת of the presence of the Almighty or the man is not sane. So what is that drives people to do עבירות? Is it the opposite of the force that one has to do Mitzvos? The reason one is supposed to do Mitzvos is for no reason other than the fact that he is commanded to do so. In the realization that the Almighty has constant control of all that is, and that the Torah is that of the רצון השם. One does what he is told to. Since people do the Mitzvos osay and ח”ו they do the Lo Saaseh they are contradicting themselves. Thus one must conclude that either the actual driving force to do Mitzvos osay is not the Torah that would serve to reason how one could do עבירות. However, there of course is the יצר הרע. Even if one does Mitzvos osay with the proper intentions, and attempts to do so by Mitzvos Lo Saaseh the truth is that the true רצון השם which is the Taryag Mitzvos can be thwarted to and from until the צוי may fit into ones רצון בפני עצמו. Since he only adjusted the צוי he can continue to go on doing what can be called רצונו השם, meaning his desire of השם. When one truly wants to do something, and believes that it precedes his עבודת השם he may often end up beingעוקר the truth and replace it with an excuse.

When a person claims he wants something, then when given an opportunity to get that but lacks the ability to proceed accordingly due to certain difficulties the ‘want’ was not strong enough in his mind. Is there a difference between knowing the difficulties from the time of claim, or prior to. Often people lack care in detail, therefore they neglect viewing something from all standpoints. The halachah^x according to all opinions is that in order to receive מלקות, one must have עידים and אזהרה prior to doing an act of חלול שבת in order to receive סקילה. There is discussion in terms of what his response must be, meaning if he must clarify his recollection of the עונש and that today is שבת and that the action at hand is in fact אסור. In an analogous case, a man hires an individual to follow him around all day wherever he goes, that if he says לשון הרע he will wound him until he is unconscious. Such an idea is absolutely absurd, and of course against the Torah. However, rather effective. The סנהנדרין gives מכות for all prohibitions with an action with the exception of three, and those that result in the same resultant as the prohibited act through a variant methodology (לפי הרמב”ם). The idea of מלקות which of course is a דין מן הTorah (there is also מלקות מרדות which is דרבנן) is seemingly a קנס. If one had the knowledge¹² of such a קנס the person would take that into account prior to making his claim. People¹³ would never do anything if they were aware of such consequences. Several factors must be elaborated upon to understand how they can do so.

The greatest הנאה in this world is that of Torah though one second of הנאה doesn’t compare to the amount of הנאה in עולם הבא. This is a very difficult concept to grasp, though simply understanding the Torah is not part of this world rather the essence of the world, both this and the next. Therefore there is no contradiction. Is the pain and suffering in this world also not comparable to the next world?

We are עבדים as expressed throughout דברי חז”ל. We were given the option to choose between חירות and עבדות. The change was between the מר….

Why must be with others? Why must we live and grow alongside our fellows and exist as a communal unit? Is it not enough that we keep the Mitzvos of the Torah? Just let me grow into a mensch for a few years, learn Torah, do Mitzvos then I can handle anything!? Just like we are given a span of time prior to our obligations begin to prepare ourselves for our duties, so too all of Avodas Hashem^xi is given that preparatory period. The same Almighty that obligated us to say krias shma bi daily also commanded us to not hold a grudge on our fellow. This is not a matter of righteousness, rather the letter of the law. This is not a stringency, or a action of the pious, rather the minimal expectation of the Almighty. We must constantly be aware of this notion, that even though that the learning of Torah is correlated as a fulfillment of all of the Mitzvos of the Torah the tremendous responsibility of not causing someone embarrassment is given the severity in the eyes of the Sages as killing someone. It is that thought that should wake us up to how important it is to realize that the words one says mean something, even in a joking fashion. As the Sages tell us in regards to the priority of a positive obligation over a transgression the Gemara¹⁴ says that perhaps you would have thought that because one is obligated to honor his parents, if they were to decree you to desecrate the Sabbath you are not permitted to. Says the Gemara it is the same Almighty that obligated you to honor your parents for his kavod that obligated you to keep the Sabbath, and “all of them are obligated for my kavod“. That is to say that all Mitzvos are for one sake and that is because the Almighty has obligated us to perform them.

1וכן אמרו חז”ל בספרא פרשת אמור סוף פרק ט ז”ל המוציא אתכם מארץ מצרים על תנאי הותאתי אתכם מארץ על תנאי שתמסרו א”ע לקש את שמי להיות לכם לאלקים על כרחכם אני ה’ אני נאמן לשלם שכר עכ”ל. ע”ז אין מספקתי כלל שכלל חיות מיוחס לקדש שם שמים בתוך בני ישראל, וזה עיקר הדין בתוך ב”י לאו בחוץ כמו שכמה חשבינו, טעות הוא. אפשר גבי חילול חלילה כיון בתוך ב”י כתוב בסיפא הקרא אע”פ העיקר בתוך ב”י. איך יכול מקדש שם שמים בתוך ב”י ע”י מה שכתוב בפסוק קדמו ושמרתם מצותי ועשיתם אתם וכו’. לי באומר לי זהו גם ההיהמשך לעניני מועדים בפרק אחרונה שכתב הספרא לשון אני ה’ אליקיכם כלומר אני נאמן לשלם שכר, אפשר זהו שכרותים ע”י התו”מ אלה המועדים. אשר תרקאו ע”י הקבלת העבדות מתוך מצרים אע”פ שחז”ל דרשינן זהו קידוש החודש. הפשטות שאנחנו תקראו החגים, אפשר זהו ע”י הקבלותיהם בידי התורה הקודשה בידי העול התורה יומם ולילה.

2ע”ש חידושי רבי ראובן ע”מ סוכה גבי הילני המלכה ודיני חינוך. אין כל כך קושיא כיון דחינוך לאו על הקטן אלא על הגדול וקטן הוא החפצא המצות חנוך. אבל לעולם הקטן צריך מרגיל כדי לעשות כל דברים בדיוק. לשון תפילה שאמרינו השיבנו לתורתך וקרבינו מלכינו לעבודתך וחזרינו בתשובה שלימה לפניך עכ”ל צ”ל לשון לשניך וחזירונו באים כאחד. איך שייך לעשות תשובה מרחוקה אם נקי וטהור לגמרי? תשבות ראשון שאמרו בלשון רבים, אבל ותו הוא צריך עומד לפניך אע”פ הוא נקי מחטא ל”ד הוא עומד לפניך. כלומר מי הוא ברא מתחילה בלי חטא נמי אינו שלם במדות. הוא נקי אבל זהו אינו דומה לבעלי תשובה הוא נעשה חטא ואחר כך גבור על יצרו ומקיים רצון הבורא ולא יצרו, אלא נעשה כך הוא רצונו לעולם. וזהו הלפניך הוא עומד לפניך בתשובה למעלה מנקית חטא אלא נקי ותו קדוש ועומד מלא רוחניות. וכנ”ל פשוט.

3לשמור ולעשות – כתוב כמה פעמים ותנ”ך ותפילותינו אבל גבי פסוק בפרשת אמר פרק ט ז”ל ושמרתם זו משנה ועשיתם זו המעשה וכל שאינו במשנה אינו מעשה. ושמרתם את מצות ה’ ועשיתם אותם ליתן שמירה ועשי’ במצות, אני ה’ אני נאמן לשלם שכר עכ”ל. הגר”א באד”א שם כתב ד”א באמצעה משמע שהם שתי מהלכים של הפסוק. אפשר לומר חילוק זה בין אם ללמוד תורה פועל שינוים בעצם או ע”י הלימוד מזהיר אדם כדי לעשות המעשים כהגון, עיין לקמן גבי נקודה זה.

4כ”כ בכמה ברייתות שת”ת כנגד כולם. זהו פשוט, אלא צ”ל שאפילו המעשה בעצם לאו בידי מעשה אע”פ זהו חשוב מאד חלוקה התכלית הת”ת. עצם הלימוד וכן אמרו רש”י בפרושו בספר קהלת פ”א בפסוק ג’ ד”ה תחת השמש ז”ל תמורת התורה שהיא קרויה אור, שנאמר (משלי ו,כג) ותורה אור, כל עמל שהוא מחליף בו את עסק התורה מה שכר בו עכ”ל. וע”ז אמרו השפתי חכמים פשט שתמורת התורה זהו יתרון כיון העצם לימוד התורה חשוב מעשה משא”כ גבי שאר מעשים הם עמלות בעלמה והתכלית השכר משא”כ תורה שנים השכר העמלות והקנין תורה ממילה.

5אבות פ”ד מ”ה ז”ל רבי ישמעאל אומר: הלומר על מנת ללמד מספיקין בידו ללמד וללמד; והלומד על מנת לעשות מספיקין בידו ללמד וללמד, לשמור ולעשות. רבי צדוק אומר: אל תעשם עטרה להתגדל בהם, ולא קרדם לחפר בהם. וכך היה הלל אומר: ודאשתמש בתגא, חלף. הא למדת, כל הנהנה מדברי תורה נוטל חייו מן העולם עכ”ל. ופיוש רבינו יונה ח”ו הרישא נקיט גבי מעבירין על פשט אמיתת כיון אינו להבין בידי מעשהים אלא אם כן לא יורד לסוף אמת אלא אם לומר כדי מבין פשט אמיתת ממש. וכן מה שכתבי הלימוד בעצם זהו שייך בכלל ר’ ישמעאל אלא הדין “לימוד בידי מעשה” זהו דין גבי זהירות המעשים ע”י הלימודו לאו איירי גבי משנתינו כאן כיון אהא מעשה נקיט גבי מדרגת הלימודו. אבל לעולם נראין שאין מצוה אלא כולל כולהו. אם חד לומד ואינו מגיע מעשים אין כלום אלא כתוב הרמב”םבפ”ב מהלכות תשובה אע”פ אחד נעשה עבירות השכר לימוד יכול מעמד הוא אם הוא לעשות תשובה ולאו כל כך כמו מתחרט במ”ע חלילה. אלא צ”ב לקמן בקונטריסי שמו ובלכתך בדרך.

6אבות פ”ה מכ”א

7כתוב באד”א על ישעיה פרק א פסוק ב ד”ה בנים ע”ש בדיוק החידושים נפלאים בדבריו. וכן סדרתי מש”כ ע”י זה. זהו הג’ חקירה באות 3. ותו גבי בן אדם למקום חבירו ועצמו זהו רומז למעלה. שיש ימי עליה ימי עמידה וימי ירידה, אלה הן החמור, שור, ואדם. החמור רודף אחר התאוות ושור רוצה כבוד ואדם הוא ימי זקנה כאשר יש חכמה. וכן שמעתי מפי מרן הראש ישיבה רב אהרן פלדמן שליט”א שבימי זקנה הוא הימי ליצנות. כאשר יש ירידה הגשמויות ואין בו תאות כנערות ואין רוצה כבוד אינו אלא ליצנות וזהו הירידה כיון מיתה קרובה על פי טבע וזהו מקום ירידה ח”ו. ותו הערתיו שכל ג’ גבולים שייך בכל תקופות אע”פ הם עיקר בתקופותיהם. וכל ימים כאשר יש גידל יש גידל בירצו כנגד. כלומר הכח היצר גבי נער קטן מאד כלפי צדיק, אינו מיאש היצר אלא גדול אצלו. ותו גבי גשמיות כנראה שימי זקנה יש דמיון לימי ינוקה כאשר אין יכול עושה צרכיו ורך ופרק וכו’. זהו החילוק כאשר הוא רוב רוחניות הגוף מקושר עמו אבל בזקנה הגוף נמי קלקלה אבל הרוחניות אינו שינוי אלא יש נסיונות ככתבתי.

8The sin of the Etz HaDas shifted the world into an existence with the Truth and False mixed together. In this newly convoluted environment a concept of D’var Rishus or doing something for one’s own sake. This separation from living a Life of worship of the Almighty is the sole hardship that befell Man and his Free Choice. The choice is ours, to do for ourselves or to do for the Almighty.

9Not necessarily reaching perfection in its actuality rather reaching ones own personal semi-perfection. The greatest truth is that there is no perfection but the Almighty, and all are able to grow and improve without any limit.

10The Torah prohibits the sympathizing of those who are heretics from the principles of the Torah and one must not associate with them.

11It is without question an obligation on all people in an event that it may given in the proper fashion. This is discussed at length in Chofetz Chaim and should be approach with great preciseness. There is a maaseh from Reb Yisroel Salanter regarding the sefer Chofetz Chaim he claimed regarding the process of Teshuvah from L’shon Harah that the one who was spoken about was not aware may not be notified that such an event took place in order to ask mecillah for it. The reason is because you are not allowed to hurt another Yidd’s feelings for your Teshuvah. This is the same concept here that eventhough you are obligated to tell this person the right way to act you may not hurt them. One may ask, how can the Torah both obligate the mitzvah of Tochachah as well as Ahavta l’rayechah kamochah if you will always hurt the other. The truth is that the greatest ahavah for your fellow is by showing them in the right way of acting. Then why is it that we see how careful we must be when being mochiach our fellow? That is simply because we may have additional agendas in the middle of our words. The feeling of haughtiness as well as not saying with sincerity and kindness. Sadly there is also the person who is so far away who doesn’t even think that what you are saying it Emes and that is most common in our times. A persons first reaction to tochachah is usually denial, its the easiest thing to do. For more explanation on this look at the sifrei mussar or my little to say on the matter in Tochachah - you need to know.

12 past belief, meaning the reliance on the belief so strongly that it is fact

13 אנשים שמאמין בהי”ג עיקרים של הרמב”ם בפהמש”ר במסכת סנהנדרין פרק חלק

14.יבמות ו

iKiddush Hashem – Glorification of the sanctity of the Almighty.

iiOvday Hashem – Servants of the Almighty.

iiiMitzvos n. pl.- The 613 obligations that are commanded by the Almighty.

ivRabbaynu adj. – Our teacher.

vl’shmor v’laasos – The observance and following through with the actions of the Mitzvos.

viRuuchnius – Spirituality; association with existence past a physical manifestation.

viiChinuch n. - Education

viiiChumash n. – Literally the Five Books of the Torah: Bereishis (Genesis), Shmos (Exodus), Vayikra (Leviticus), Bamidbar (Numbers), Devarim (Deuteronomy).

ixMishnayos n. pl. – The compiled and written Oral Law that had been handed down from the Almighty to Moshe Rabbaynu on Sinai that is the explanation and derivation of the written law the Tanach. (Mishnah sing.).

xHalachah – The law.

xiAvodas Hashem - The servitude of the Almighty.