Ve’ohavta Le’raiacha Kamocha
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” ‘פרק י”ט פסוק י”ח – “לא תקם ולא תטר את בני עמך ואהבת לרעך כמוך אני ה’”
“You shall not take revenge, nor shall you bear a grudge. And you shall love your friend like yourself, I am Hashem”.
We are commanded to love our fellow Jews as much as we love ourselves.
The commentators grapple at length with the obvious challenge that this מצוה poses: How is it feasible that G-d demands of us to love other people as much as ourselves?
At first glance this would certainly seem to be contrary to human nature. Can anyone truthfully testify that he/she has the same level of love for other people as for him/herself? We know that G-d only demands of us that which is humanly attainable, as we find with regards to the פרשה of a יפת תואר. G-d knew that a soldier at war away from his town and from his family would not be capable of controlling his evil inclination and therefore he is permitted to marry a non-Jewish woman. Chazal learn from this that anything that G-d does demand of us, is in fact, realistically and humanly possible for otherwise it would not be demanded of us.
Furthermore, the גמרא מסכת בבא מציעא דף סב. states, ”וחי אחיך עמך חייך קודמים לחיי חבירך”. “Your life takes precedence over the life of your friend”.
Meaning, that if two people are in the desert and only one has a jug of water, he should better drink the water himself and should not give the water away to his friend and die of thirst in order to let his friend drink the water and live. Thus, he is required to show more love for his own life than for another’s. This would seem to contradict the commandment in this week’s פרשה to love your fellow Jew as much as yourself.
Parenthetically, the מהרש”א notes that if the jug of water belongs to both of them, they should both die rather than taking the other one’s water. For then we apply the principle of”מאי חזית דדמא דידך סומק טפי מדמא דחברך” “Who says that your blood is more red than the blood of your friend?” (Gemara, Mesechta Sanhedrin, 74a)
Just as one has no right to kill someone else in order to keep himself alive, so too one cannot steal his friend’s water in order to keep himself alive if that will cause his friend to die of thirst.
The רמב”ן explains that it is certainly not realistic to demand of a human being to love another person as much as he loves himself. Rather, the תורה is telling us to rid our hearts of the trait of jealousy. We are commanded to wish our fellow Jews as well as we wish ourselves in all aspects. It is not uncommon for an individual to wish his friend well and to be happy for his good fortune and success. But it is less common for a person to wish upon his friend the same wealth, wisdom, knowledge, prestige and all successes that one hopes for himself. This is the Ramban’s understanding of ואהבת לרעך כמוך. Through ridding ourselves of jealousy, we can attain this trait of truly wishing upon our friends the same success in all regards, that we hope for ourselves.
The חזקוני seconds that it is impossible for a human being to sincerely love another like himself, but explains the מצוה of ואהבת לרעך כמוך differently than the Ramban: That is you should love to do for him that which you would love for him to do for you. Meaning that what is hateful to you do not inflict upon your friend.
The source for this is the גמרא מסכת שבת דף לא. which relates the incident of the גר which approached הלל and asked to be taught the entire תורה while standing on one foot. הלל responded to the גר, “That which is hateful to you, do not do unto your friend. This is the entire תורה and the rest is its explanation. Go and learn it.”
How are we to understand the statement of Hillel that the entire תורה is included in this one lesson?
רש”י writes that “your friend” is referring to G-d Almighty. Do not defy the words of G-d just as you would not want your friend to defy your words. Accordingly, if you adhere to the words of G-d you will keep the entire Torah. This is one possible explanation for why the entire Torah is hinted to in this lesson.
רש”י adds a second explanation that “your friend” is referring to your fellow Jew. The statement “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your friend” encompasses stealing, adultery and the majority of the commandments which are bain adam lachaveiro.
A third view can be found in the כלי יקר who explains the גמרא as follows: The גר asked to be taught the whole תורה on one foot. This does not mean physically on one foot, rather on one solid foundation that he could use to remember the whole תורה. הלל responded by telling him the פסוק of ואהבת לרעך כמוך אני ה’. ואהבת לרעך כמוך is the foundation of the מצות בין אדם לחבירו. And אני ה’ is the foundation of the מצות בין אדם למקום. Therefore, the whole entire Torah really is included in this verse.
The מס’ שבת דף לא. ,מהרש”א writes, like the Chizkuni, that this statement of הלל is the intent of the מצוה of ואהבת לרעך כמוך. We should refrain from doing that which is hateful to us, unto our friends. Hence, ואהבת לרעך כמוך is actually a מצוה לא תעשה. For this reason, ואהבת לרעך כמוך is written immediately following the מצות to refrain from revenge, embarrassing someone, לשון הרע, placing a stumbling block in front of a blind person etc. ואהבת לרעך כמוך is also a מצות לא תעשה to refrain from doing to our friends that which is hateful to them.
This train of thought of חזקוני and מהרש”א contrasts the view of the רמב”ן that we are to remove the jealousy from our hearts in order to be happy for our friends’ good fortune. The implication of the רמב”ן is that ואהבת לרעך כמוך is a מצות עשה to actively remove jealousy from our hearts, and not merely to refrain from committing hateful acts. However according to חזקוני and מהרש”א it seems that ואהבת לרעך כמוך is actually a מצות לא תעשה to refrain from inflicting pain onto our fellow Jews that we would not want done to us.
However, the Mesilas Yesharim, Chapter 11 understands this mitzvah to love a fellow Jew as much as yourself, to be understood literally, peshuto kemashmao. We are commanded to love our fellow Jews as much as our selves without any difference whatsoever (kamocha mamosh.)
The Mesilas Yesharim is quite emphatic about this and writes strongly that this is the true intent of the mitzvah. He does not explain like the Ramban, Chizkuni or Maharsha who seem to understand that this mitzvah is not exactly to be taken literally since it is humanly impossible. He writes clearly that one is actually commanded to love his fellow Jew as much as himself.
Thus, our original question must be asked again: According to the understanding of Mesilas Yesharim, how is it conceivable that G-d could realistically demand of mere mortals to have the same love for others as they have for themselves? This demand certainly seems to go against human nature.
Perhaps this mitzvah can be explained in a different light with the insights of R’ Dessler in the Michtav Me’Eliyahu:
The Michtav Me’Eliyahu, Volume 1 p. 36 expounds on this topic as follows: There is a natural inborn human tendency that G-d put into people to “give” and to be ”givers”. If not for the deep yearning of people to “give” no one would ever marry or bear children and the world would discontinue. For this reason one does not feel complete when he is alone. He has an inborn yearning to marry and to have children in order to “give” to others. People who are unable to bear children will often adopt orphans and raise them in their homes, in order to satisfy the need to give. This natural need to “give” is rooted in the deep recesses of the heart and soul of a person by G-d, in order to keep the world going.
Additionally, a person has a natural love for the fruits of his labor. Whether it is a child that he raises, a vineyard that he plants, or a house that he builds, he feels an emotional attachment to them to the point that he feels as if a part of him went into the fruits of his labor.
Thus, giving creates love for whatever and for whomever one gives to. R’ Dessler goes on to cite Mesechta Derech Eretz, Chapter 2 where it is stated, “If you wish to develop a love for your friend, you need only involve yourself in his well-being”.
Helping someone else, giving to him, or doing for him generates a natural love for the taker on the part of the giver.
The Gemara, Mesechta Bava Metzia, 32b discusses the mitzvah of helping one’s fellow Jew load or un-load his animal’s package. If one is confronted with the choice to either assist his friend in unloading his animal v. to assist his enemy in loading his animal, he should first assist his enemy even though his friend’s animal is in pain and even though it is prohibited to cause unnecessary suffering to animals. This is because it is considered a superior act to reign in one’s evil inclination (lakuf yitzro adif.) The mere act of helping an enemy in need will slowly remove the hatred that a person felt for his enemy up until that point, and replace it with love, thereby turning his enemy into his friend.
R’ Dessler continues that this natural yearning to give is somewhat limited and therefore mostly channeled in the direction of one’s immediate family and close acquaintances. It is not usually channeled towards other people. However, a person only needs to give and be gracious to other less familiar people in order to develop a love for them as well, after which he will not consider them strangers any more.
“Giving” in whichever method it may entail, instills a natural love for the person one is giving to. He writes that ‘giving’ is also the root and recipe for a strong marriage. Since giving naturally instills and intensifies the love for the person one is giving to, if two marriage partners are “givers” there can be a lasting relationship. This is the method through which one can achieve shleimos (perfecting himself.) Shleimos is of the most paramount things that spouses can help each other reach, which is accomplished through giving. Thus, the love can c’v be short-lived if the marriage partners are takers and not givers.
Additionally, the Gemara, Mesechta Kidushin 41a states that one is forbidden from marrying a woman until he sees her lest he become repulsed with her and will thereby be prevented from fulfilling the mitzvah of ‘veohavta leraiacha kamocha’.
We see from the Gemara that the foundational purpose of marriage is in order to fulfill the mitzvah of “loving another as oneself”, through his spouse. This is accomplished through giving which instills a love into the heart of the giver for whom he is giving to.
With these insights of the Michtav Me’Eliyahu we can now better understand the view of Mesilas Yesharim that we are in fact commanded by the Torah to love our fellow Jews as much as ourselves in the literal sense.
Through giving to others we can generate a love for them and we can instill a genuine ahavas yisroel for our fellow Jews into our hearts. Then we can be able to fulfill the mitzvah of “You shall love your friend as much as yourself” even according to the lofty explanation of the Mesilas Yesharim. R’ Tanchuma (also quoted in the Michtav Me’Eliyahu, Volume 3 p.89) adds that this concept is alluded to in the scriptural verse itself: “You shall love your friend as yourself” i.e. If you treat another like your friend, you will come to love him.
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This week’s edition is dedicated as a zechus for Shira Yaffa bas Rochel Miriam, Ezriel Pinchos ben Shira Yaffa, Aliza Faygil bas Shira Yaffa, and Shlomo Yakir ben ShiraYaffa. May they be zoche to a yeshua bekarov. Amen.
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A Guten Shabbos!
Rabbi Binyomin Radner, a frequent speaker on variety of topics in Torah and/or Halacha,h as been the writer/ editor of a weekly publication on the Parsha for several years. He is the recipient of Semicha from Beis Midrash Govoah in Lakewood, NJ, and has recently finished Shas. http://www.thelakewoodscoop.com/news/2011/11/bachur-completes-shas-after-10-years-with-chizuk-from-rav-nosson-tzvi-zatzal.html
For any comments or to sign up to his weekly Parsha Publication, please contact the author at benradner@gmail.com.
Categories: Chumash, Hashkafah, Inspiration, Machshuvah, Parshas Acharei Mos, Parshas Kedoshim, Vayikra
